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tuesday, november 13, 2007
11/2/2007 2:38:00 amtna impact tv report by jeff hamlin11.1 tna impact report
by jeff hamlin (jhamlin@vilcom.com)
summary: after a series of unfunny backstage skits, kevin nash claimed that scott hall would be sting’s mystery tag team partner at the genesis pay per view. also, christian cage and kaz won semifinal matches to advance to the finals of the fight for the right tournament.
it was acknowledged that junior fatu would not face christian cage in tonight’s fight for the right semifinal, though it was never explained why. don west said tna management would name cage’s opponent later.
kurt and karen angle came out. kurt complained about being placed in a 3-on-1 situation. he said nash being his tag team partner makes no sense. no kidding. angle said he would find out the identity of sting’s mystery partner was by the end of the night because he watches csi and was a double major in college. sting came out and said his partner was a world champion in wcw and wwe and was someone angle worked with. then nash showed up and did a babyface interview. i won’t ask why three faces are trying to beat up one heel. angle ran down his own partner. nash went to the ring, and looks like he’s lost plenty of weight. angle bailed out once nash hit the ring, but sting beat him up and ringside and threw him back to nash. the two faces beat up the one heel before security pulled sting and nash apart. i’m not sure why since sting and nash never laid a finger on each other.
kaz defeated james storm in 3:13. storm and jackie moore weren’t even arguing after teasing dissension last week. crowd was totally behind storm. kaz hit a pescado early. storm came back with a high angle ddt and a cyclone slam, which was called the eye of the storm. storm did the back stabber for another near fall. kaz got the pin out of nowhere with a rolling crotch cradle. then eric young came into the ring to hand storm a six pack. storm gulped the beer, then handed young a beer, and a drinking contest ensued. young gulped a beer before it was empty, which garnered some boos. segment just ended to make it appear storm’s turning, or whatever resembles a face in this company. *1/4
the angle family comedy segments started with kurt smoking a cigar playing detective trying to figure out sting’s partner. karen did her weekly walk out in disgust vowing to take care of business.
kevin nash did a sit-down interview with crystal. nash has always done well in situations that appear to be a “shoot,” and it was no different here.
team 3-d came out with “x-division sucks” t-shirts. sometimes i wonder when 3-d runs down the x-division if we’re hearing the creative team’s words come out of brother ray’s mouth. ray ran down a certain publication’s star system ratings. russo couldn’t have said it better. then he ran down people behind the keyboards who never had the guts to enter the ring. if that was directed at me, boys, all i can say is thank you for the tremendous compliment. the motor city machine guns came out. alex shelley started running down ray’s weight. it ended with ray telling dvon to get the tables. get a load of this logic. when d-von went to get the tables, he couldn’t find them. then xxx and havoc came out with the tables, and sonjay dutt, petey williams and shark boy ran in from behind to attack the hells, only to get beat down in record time. sucks to be them. then xxx and the guns ran in, and before you knew it seven faces were whaling away on two heels before 3-d ran away. it ended with the guns challenging 3-d at genesis. crowd was more behind the guns than anyone on the show.
angle was interrogating black machismo. jay lethal was asked about a figure with face paint. machismo thought he was talking about the ultimate warrior. for some reason, machismo thought sting’s partner was wahoo mcdaniel. this was the start of an endless stream of obscure wrestling references which made the show sound like it was written by dennis miller.
christy hemme blamed jimmy rave for coming between her and lance hoyt. hemme said rave kept using the phrase red snitcher around her, but rave said he was talking about a fish. hoyt mumbled something about not taking everything out on rave, but hemme said he wasn’t getting any tonight.
awesome kong defeated christy hemme in 2:05. hemme was a bad person to do a squash with because she can’t take the right bumps. hemme actually got a sleeper hold that looked horrible. at least it was short. kong bent her in half with the telephone (similar to a torture rack), and it ended with the liger bomb. hemme had hardway blood from the nose. dud.
eric young was eavesdropping on sting’s locker room. young claimed top hear who it was and told crystal, who acted all excited.
robert roode was next at the angle interrogation table. they didn’t say a thing about sting, and roode asked her where karen was. when angle said he didn’t know, roode thought she might be screwing around.
crystal was backstage with dustin rhodes, as opposed to black reign. abyss jumped him and they brawled backstage. abyss hit rhodes with the black box that black reign carries around. he broke it open over rhodes head. he found a key inside, and dumped it on rhodes and left.
at the interrogation table, chris harris started reading excerpts of various kurt angle online interviews. angle said harris was worse than his wife. because remember, dear readers, in the vince russo world, a proper creative team doesn’t do its job based on drawing true emotion that triggers 500,000 buys on ufc ppvs. it comes from referencing online interviews that 2-percent of the audience reads.
vkm was at the angle table. it somehow ended with angle crying about how his father never said he didn’t love him. at this point, these segments were long past the point of tiresome.
christian cage did a promo wondering who his opponent was tonight since junior fatu wasn’t there. after it was over, crystal found kevin nash was on a cell phone supposedly talking to x-pac about scott hall.
samoa joe and gail kim defeated robert roode and miss brooks. brooks and the planted roode fan gave each other the evil eye. roode and brooks argued some more during the match, and roode threw brooks in the ring with joe waiting for her. joe gave roode the running knee. brooks tagged in and joe tagged in kim. brooks is still green, particularly with her punches. brooks hit a gut wrench suplex for a two count. she got a clothesline for another two count. kim made the comeback with a missile dropkick. roode refused to tag after joe came in. joe threw him into the ring and went to work. he went for the musclebuster, but roode blocked it. joe opted for the kokina clutch. brooks didn’t make the save, but reminded the ref roode wasn’t the legal man. so kim ran in and brawled with brooks. joe got the elbow suicidia on roode. kim hit a mistimed cradle out of the corner for the pin. the usual roode routine of berating brooks followed. roode begged her to quit. kim ran in and screamed at roode. she slapped him, and joe ran in before roode could go after kim. it ended with roode and joe brawling backstage. **.
they advertised a history of tna year 1. i can’t wait to see that interview that piper gave after he got fired by the wwe talking about reality where he couldn’t put any coherent sentences together. wait, that’s been the last decade of his career.
the roode/joe brawl continued with joe wearing heavy juice. roode’s fan started arguing with joe, allowing roode to get the upper hand. security couldn’t pull them apart, and it looked like a good brawl. then they cut to the back.
jeremy borash interviewed two hot looking women who claimed to know who sting’s partner was. borash offered them his hotel key if they would tell him. they teased telling him who it was, then kneed him in the gut. when angle asked who it was, borash said “pain.” angle thought he meant the powers of pain.
christian cage defeated chris harris. mike tenay played it up like matt morgan made the decision to send harris into fatu’s spot. interesting that jim cornette’s name wasn’t mentioned. at least harris’ inclusion made some sense because he was the last person who nearly qualified in the reverse battle royal. first big move was harris hitting the full nelson slam for a two count. cage hit a cool kick between the ropes before the break. harris got the anderson spinebuster for a two count. cage unleashed a flying elbow off the second rope for another near fall. harris blocked a flying ddt and hit a flap jack. crowd was into it. harris dodged an elbow in the corner and followed with a clothesline and bulldog for another near fall. harris missed a charge in the corner and caught the turnpost, and cage nailed the reverse ddt for a two count. cage ran into a harris spear. at this point, harris started favoring his left arm, and it appeared cage and harris reversed into an unprettier for a good near fall. harris went for the catatonic, but cage reversed into an attempt at the unprettier, but harris reversed into a reverse cradle, but cage turned the tables by holding the trunks for the pin. harris told the referee to ask the fans, and many of them held up three fingers as if to signify harris was pinned clean. that was ten times funnier than the angle skits. cage followed by railroading harris with the ladder and doing a frog splash off the top. guess they’ve given up on harris’ push. so it’s cage vs. kaz next week in the fight for the right final match. a fair match. **1/2.
kevin nash said he had to go talk with kurt angle regarding sting’s mystery partner.
backstage, angle was screaming at young to tell him who sting’s partner was. young lied and said it was the shockmaster. angle kept hitting him with a phone book. maybe he should have used other means of torture. like water boarding. or electrocution. or spring 1999 nitros.
dustin rhodes appeared on screen as black reign challenging abyss to a shop of horrors match at genesis.
a.j. styles and tomko defeated lax to retain the tna tag team titles. hernandez threw around styles early. homicide did a tope con giro on both heels, so to speak. homicide had styles pinned after an overhead belly to belly suplex on styles, but referee andrew thomas was trying to break up hernandez and tomko, who were only arguing with each other. styles gave homicide a low blow. tomko tagged in and did a press fallaway slam. styles hit a jumping forearm, which appeared to be a communication breakdown, then followed with a rare mistimed dropkick. homicide gave styles a gringo cutter to make the hot tag to hernandez, who is excellent for a big man doing hot tags. hernandez gave styles the liger bomb and went for the border toss before tomko caught him with the big boot. hernandez clotheslined tomko over the top, and hernandez caught styles with the torture rack drop for a near fall. lax went for the sky high cutter, but tomko cut off hernandez and styles gave homicide the pele kick. styles pinned hernandez clean as a sheet with a springboard 450 splash. good while it lasted. tomko and styles continued to beatdown by giving hernandez the tornadoplex. then a mysterious member of lax gave homicide the slapjack. ***
kurt interrogated karen backstage about where she has been. nash walked in and said he knew who sting’s partner was. nash said it was scott hall, who would be here next week.
summary: there’s no future in the past. don’t trip over the bad booking, joe.
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