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movie reviews . . . . . movie archive susan granger's review of "jimmy carter: man from plains" (sony pictures classics)     years ago, as a wedding present, dear friends took my husband and me to spend a weekend with jimmy and rosalynn carter. it was a revelation. i had never seen our 39th president in such an informal, approachable setting - and now jonathan demme has captured carter's sharp intelligence and homespun candor on film.     demme followed carter on a 2006 book tour for his controversial "palestine: peace not apartheid." this documentary tracks the reaction of both fans and foes, who alternately praise or challenge carter's stance on the israeli-palestinian conflict, particularly his inflammatory description of the situation as "apartheid," evoking memories of government-sanctioned segregation in south africa.     carter courteously parries accusations of anti-semitism with interviewers on "good morning america," "fresh air," "the situation room with wolf blitzer," and "the tavis smiley show." while charlie rose gets particularly testy, jay leno adds levity. not surprisingly, what infuriates carter most is negativity from people who haven't even bothered to read his book.     in addition to presenting a chronicle of certer's reactions to the media and outspoken harvard law professor, alan dershowitz, demme also utilizes fascinating archival material, particularly when carter brokered the camp david peace accords between anwar sadat and menachem begin in 1978. plus there are glimpses of carter's evangelical christian home life in georgia, including daily bible readings with rosalynn.     in many ways, "man from plains" resembles "the agronomist," demme's documentary about the slain haitian activist jean dominique, and declan quinn's digital video camera concentrates far more on the man more than the imagery. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "jimmy carter: man from plains" is an insightful 8, exploring the kind of impact a former president can have after leaving the oval office. susan granger's review of "no country for old men" (miramax/paramount vantage)     based on a novel by cormac mccarthy, this is a wry, metaphorical tale of three macho men: the good guy, the bad guy and the poor vietnam vet who gets caught in-between, never realizing the fatalistic ramifications of his greed.     back in the 1980s in the barren desert of the west texas-mexico border, a deer hunter, llewelyn moss (josh brolin), wanders into the bullet-ridden detritus of a drug convoy shootout and picks up a satchel containing $2.4 million, never realizing there's a tracking device hidden in the cash.     after sending his wife (kelly macdonald) to the safety of her mother's home, moss is relentlessly pursued by a mysterious, diabolically deadpan assassin, anton chigurh (javier bardem), who psychologically tortures his victims before dispatching them with a cattle stun gun. chigurh's train of bloody carnage has attracted the attention of veteran sheriff tom bell (tommy lee jones), who is ready to retire, discouraged by the ever-increasing narcotics crime and its attendant lack of respect and courtesy.     "any time you quit hearing 'sir' and "m'am,' the end is pretty much in sight," he muses.      writer/directors joel and ethan coen ("blood simple," "fargo") incorporate their trademark black comedic touches into this suspenseful, often confusing contemporary western, as tommy lee jones, josh brolin and javier bardem (with a haircut off dutch-boy paint cans or prince valiant cartoons) deliver three of the most memorable screen performances this year.     several weeks ago, a.o. scott in the new york times ruminated on the lasting influence of the graphic violence in arthur penn's 1967 "bonnie and clyde;" it's reflected here in roger deakins' photography.  on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "no country for old men" is a brutal, intense 9. it's an enigmatic, metaphysical mindgame. susan granger's review of "fred claus" (warner bros.)     it's like christmas coming early with this heart-warming gift of a movie, a santa story you've never heard before     since his baby brother, nicholas, was born, uttering the word, "ho," instead of crying, fred claus (vince vaughn) has been living in his shadow, hearing his mother's (kathy bates) constant refrain: "why can't you be more like your brother?"    indeed, nicholas was so good that he achieved sainthood - meaning neither he nor his family ever aged. and, like many unhappy children, fred became angry and naughty.     now living in chicago, fred has become a 'repo' man, trying to start his own off-track betting establishment and get back in the good graces of his long-suffering girl-friend, wanda (rachel weisz). when he calls his brother for a loan, nicholas (paul giamatti) agrees to help fred only if he'll come to the north pole and work in santa's toy shop.     meanwhile, with a month to go, the stress of christmas is increasing - and an evil efficiency expert (kevin spacey) has been dispatched to oversee this year's preparations. the tooth fairy and easter bunny are endangered - and out-sourcing toy production to the south pole is under consideration, shutting down santa's workshop permanently.     set in the christmas environment, writer dan fogelman ("cars") and director david dobkin ("wedding crashers") have fashioned an often-amusing sibling rivalry situation, utilizing wry cameos from other underachieving, once-resentful brothers like frank stallone, roger clinton and stephen baldwin.     vince vaughn plays the comedy with pathos, and paul giamatti shows the depth of santa claus' vulnerability. while the supporting roles are formulaic, the visual effects are imaginative, particularly the snow globe and naughty/nice department. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "fred claus" is a sentimental 7. it's a bright holiday package filled with pure enjoyment. susan granger's review of "love in the time of cholera" (new line)     few contemporary love stories have captured the public's imagination as much as nobel prize-winning author gabriel garcia marquez's novel, set in the exotic port city of  cartagena at the dawn of the 20th century - and now mike newell brings this spellbinding epic to the screen.     written by oscar-winner ronald harwood ("the pianist"), photographed by alfonso beato and directed with the deft lightness of newell's "four weddings and a funeral," it chronicles the passionate 50-year obsession that consumes fiorentino ariza (javier bardem).     the story begins with the accidental death of 80 year-old dr. juvenal urbino (benjamin bratt). as family and friends comfort his grieving widow, fermina, (giovanna mezzogiono), fiorentino declares his unrelenting love for her - as their truncated yet intertwined relationship is revealed in flashbacks that are punctuated by a lustrous, anguished undercurrent of suspense - along with three songs by shakira.     as a naive youth, fiorentino fell for lovely fermina at first sight, but her socially-conscious father (john leguizamo) forbade his courtship, insisting that fermina marry the highly respected dr. urbino. distraught yet comforted by his devoted mother (fernanda montenegro) and given a promising job by his rich uncle (hector elizondo), fiorentiono builds a good life for himself, becoming a wealthy shipowner, while conducting casanova-like liaisons with 622 women. but he's patiently biding his time until the now-72 year-old fermina is, once again, single - and available.     the symbolism of the title is open to several interpretations, comparing the then-prevalent (and fatal) disease with lovesickness; indeed, it becomes pivotal to the symmetry of the metaphorical conclusion. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "love in the time of cholera" is a fantasy-filled, romantic 8. it's a faithful adaptation, blessed with equal amounts of humor, pathos and compassion. susan granger's review of "before the devil knows you're dead" (thinkfilm)     esteemed director sidney lumet ("serpico," "12 angry men," "network," "the verdict," "q&a") is still going strong at 83, proving it with this insightful, impeccably crafted crime drama that takes its title from the old irish toast: "may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead."             beginning with a steamy sex scene between andy (philip seymour hoffman) and his wife gina (marisa tomei), a film noir about two financially pressured brothers emerges.     andy's a shady new york real estate accountant with an expensive drug habit, while his younger brother hank (ethan hawke) is a none-too-bright, divorced loser who owes child support to his ex-wife. hank's also having a clandestine affair with gina.     so when andy comes up with a plan to heist their parents' (albert finney, rosemary harris) suburban jewelry store, hank goes along with the idea. but hank brings along a reckless accomplice (brian f. o'byrne) and the robbery goes dreadfully awry, adding murder and blackmail to the brothers' monetary problems.     what makes it so intriguing is that screenwriter kelly masterson and director lumet reveal the family melodrama out of sequence, shifting the audience's perspective onto each of the characters. utilizing high-definition technology, lumet, cinematographer ron fortunato and editor tom swartwout further augment the tension with close-ups and show the same scenes from different viewpoints. sure, it's contrived and there are some loose ends, but the perverse impact is greater than the sum of its parts.     delivering outstanding performances, philip seymour hoffman dominates anxious ethan hawke and vivacious marisa tomei, while albert finney is subtly menacing. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "before the devil knows you're dead" is a confident, compelling 9 with the moral undertones of classic greek tragedy. susan granger's review of "bee movie" (dreamworks animation/paramount)     call it the curse of high expectations but when jerry seinfeld makes his first animated feature, laughs should flow like honey but they don't - unless you're really into bee puns.     after college, bumblebee barry b. benson (seinfeld) spends some time with the macho pollen jocks before starting work at the factory in new hive city. trapped in an apartment, he encounters a friendly florist, vanessa (renee zellweger), who saves him from being annihilated by her boyfriend (patrick warburton). breaking beedom's code of behavior, barry talks to her. in return, she shows him how humans buy honey at the store. feeling exploited, barry gets so furious about this injustice that he sues humankind.     after a courtroom fight - in which sting (himself) is accused of stealing his stage name from bee culture - barry wins, defeating a blustering southern lawyer (voiced by john goodman). so honey is taken off the market. bees lose their production jobs at honex, flowers don't get pollinated and all vegetation in central park dies. if you're in a new york state of mind, that spells ecological disaster for the world.     flitting in the background, there's a fast-talking mosquito chris rock), along with barry's pal, adam (matthew broderick), and his parents (kathy bates and barry levinson) who worry about vanessa: could she be a wasp? plus ray liotta playing himself.     forbes magazine reports that comic icon jerry seinfeld earns $60 million a year in syndication royalties and from his stand-up gigs, yet he's the brain and voice of this simplistic yet heavily-hyped effort. despite the weak writing, the computer animation is often eye-catching, although not up to pixar standards. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "bee movie" buzzes in as a surreal 6, an amusing 82-minute diversion. susan granger's review of "lions for lambs" (mgm/ua)     ripped from today's headlines, robert redford's latest political thriller is a no-holds-barred indictment of recent u.s. foreign policy and george w. bush's seemingly endless "war on terror."     as political science professor, stephen malley (redford) is trying to motivate an extraordinarily bright but undisciplined student (andrew garfield), two of his former students (derek luke, michael pena), both idealists from underprivileged backgrounds, have enlisted as army rangers and are engaged in a dangerous firefight in afghanistan.     meanwhile, in washington, d.c., janine roth (meryl streep), a skeptical veteran television reporter, is interviewing charismatic senator jasper irving (tom cruise) who, despite repeated denials, has presidential ambitions. right now, he's revealing the u.s.'s new strategy of sending small special forces teams into to the mountains in afghanistan to prevent sunni and shia insurgents from uniting. he's so convincing in his logic that it's terrifying.     utilizing matthew michael carnahan's terse, intelligent script, deftly edited by joe hutshing, and eliciting frighteningly authentic performances from cruise and streep, redford meshes multiple storylines, condemning media manipulation and public apathy and imploring americans to take some responsibility for what's happening.     the title comes from a w.w.i german general's comment about the bravery of british troops and the ineptitude of their leaders: "never have i seen such lions led by such lambs".or as anguished prof. malley puts it, "where our courageous soldiers are put at risk by leaders who've never bled in a fight."     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "lions for lambs" is a defiant, compelling 10. what distinguishes this from other recent war movies is that it's about far more than the tragic skirmish that takes place on the snowy mountainside. it's provocative entertainment that makes you think.     (personal note: my son, don granger, is president of mgm/ua.) susan granger's review of "american gangster" (universal pictures)     based on the true story of an enterprising hoodlum who became a billionaire by dominating the harlem drug scene, ridley scott's crime drama has been called "superfly" meets "serpico."     back in the 1970s, when drug trafficking belonged to the mafia, amiable, soft-spoken frank lucas (denzel washington) chauffeured one of new york's most notorious african-american mobsters, ellsworth "bumpy" johnson. after his boss/mentor dies, lucas quietly begins building his own empire. astutely eliminating the middle man, he flies to thailand to import heroin directly from southeast asia, arranging to have kilos hidden in caskets of american soldiers loaded onto military transports flying to new york from vietnam.     lucas' "blue magic" is not only purer heroin but cheaper; twice the potency, it sells for half as much. soon he's making up to $1 million a day. while this entrepreneurship baffles and infuriates his rivals, it also catches the attention of richie roberts (russell crowe), a stubbornly incorruptible new jersey cop who is determined to put him in prison, despite lucas' bribing the corrupt detective (josh brolin) heading new york's anti-drug special investigations unit.     written by steven zaillian (oscar-winner for "schindler's list") from a new york magazine article ("the return of superfly") by mark jacobson, it boosts director ridley scott up from his 2006 comedy debacle, "a good year," also starring russell crowe, but, surprisingly, it offers little story-telling originality and gets downright tedious at times.  but that's not the fault of the oscar-winning leads - washington and crowe - who deliver strong performances, as do josh brolin and ruby dee, as lucas' mother.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "american gangster" is a well-crafted but eerily familiar 7, evoking memories of better gangster movies like "the godfather," "scarface," "heat," "goodfellas" and "the departed." susan granger's review of "lars and the real girl" (m.g.m. release)     who would think that the story of reclusive man and his mail-order sex doll would make a remarkably sensitive and tender, pg-13 romantic comedy?     shy, withdrawn lars lindstrom (ryan gosling) lives a lonely existence in a sparsely furnished garage room next to his brother gus (paul schneider) and pregnant sister-in-law karen's (emily mortimer) clapboard home in a nameless midwestern town.     at work one day, lars' porn-addicted cubicle-mate shows him how you can order a life-size, pliable plastic 'woman of your dreams' on the internet. a few weeks later when 'bianca' arrives, lars gently unpacks her and, that evening, escorts her to a family dinner, introducing her as his brazilian/danish girlfriend who cannot walk and, therefore, needs a wheelchair. respectfully he explains how she'll need her own room because, after all, they're not yet married.     alarmed yet fiercely protective, gus and karen insist they visit the family doctor/psychologist (patricia clarkson) who advises that everyone go along with lars' delusion.and, amazingly enough, they do. that includes the bewildered church ladies and lars' otherwise cynical co-workers, including a young woman (kelli garner) who has a crush on him. perhaps that's because their pastor poses the question: "what would jesus do?"  indeed, due to the townspeople's kindness and generosity, bianca soon becomes an integral member of the tight-knit community.     screenwriter nancy oliver (hbo's "six feet under") and director craig gillespie ("mr. woodcock") consistently downplay the obvious slapstick aspects while slowly developing the characters. after boldly matching wits with anthony hopkins in "fracture," ryan gosling affects a more unobtrusive, understated demeanor, yet never quite succeeding in convincing us that he's sane. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "lars and the real girl" is a sentimental 7, chronicling a very strange relationship. susan granger's review of "rails & ties" (warner bros.)     clint eastwood's daughter alison makes an auspicious directing debut with this compelling family drama.     as the story begins, megan stark (marcia gay harden), a nurse, is told that her long battle with breast cancer is ending. after surgery and chemotherapy, she's determined to live her final weeks as fully as possible. but her taciturn husband, tom (kevin bacon), is in total denial, channeling his emotions into the job he loves. he's a railroad engineer, running the stargazer express between los angeles and seattle.     then a suicidal woman deliberately pulls her car on the tracks right in front of tom's on-rushing train, leaving her precocious, locomotive-loving 11 year-old son, davey, an orphan. fleeing from the foster home in which he's placed, davey tracks down tom stark and demands to know why he didn't stop the train and save his mother.     seizing the emotional opportunity, megan reaches out to davey - leaving tom not only to confront the pending investigational hearing as a result of the accident but also to cope with the consequences of taking this 'missing child' into their home.     utilizing contrivances and coincidences more suited for a movie-of-the-week on lifetime tv, screenwriter micky levy delineates several lives on a bleak collision course. but actress-turned-director alison eastwood brings admirable spontaneity, understated intimacy and deft dexterity to her vision, astutely seeking collaboration with her father's longtime cinematographer tom stern, production designer james murakami and editor gary roach - adding her brother kyle eastwood's evocative music.     what's striking is the uncanny resemblance between kevin bacon's reserved demeanor and verbal cadence and 'early' clint eastwood performances. was that the actor's choice or the director's? on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "rails & ties" is a heartfelt 7, particularly for an adult, female audience. susan granger's review of "things we lost in the fire" (paramount/dreamworks)     in her american debut, danish director susanne bier tackles love, loss, jealousy, rage and recovery from drug addiction in a melodrama that unfolds slowly.at the pace of a death march.     over the years, successful seattle real estate developer brian burke (david duchovny) has remained friends with his childhood buddy, jerry sunborne (benicio del toro), a heroin addict, much to the chagrin of his uptight wife, audrey (halle berry). but when brian goes out for ice cream one night and is killed by a wife-abusing drunk, audrey makes sure jerry comes to the funeral, where he vows to quit drugs. lost without a man around the house, audrey invites him to move into an empty garage room that was damaged in an electrical blaze. while her precocious children - a 10 year-old girl (alexis llewellyn) and six year-old boy (micah berry) - are delighted, she's ambivalent: kind and grateful one moment, rude and resentful the next.     faced with overcoming allan loeb's discordant, unrealistic, heavy-handed screenplay, halle berry tackles her first substantive role since her oscar-winning turn in "monster's ball." problem is: her querulous, one-note widow has no backstory: no job, no friends, no interests except her children. so it's benicio del toro's cleverly nuanced performance that's most memorable.     director susanne bier cinematically interprets 'emotional intensity' through endless close-ups of dark, sad eyeballs; this may be her austere european sensibility but it begins to resemble an ophthalmologist's training film. when she's not examining eyes, bier's into an earlobe fetish, having audrey invite jerry into her bed to cure her insomnia by pulling on her earlobe. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "things we lost in the fire" is an agonizingly morose, tedious 6, redeemed only by some remarkable acting. susan granger's review of "slipstream" (strand releasing)     considering that the dictionary defines slip stream as "the current of air thrust backward by the spinning propeller or an aircraft," anthony hopkins has creatively transposed this aeronautical concept into an avante-garde, admittedly experimental, absurdist through-the-looking-glass glimpse of behind-the-scenes movie-making.     evolving in a non-linear fantasy is the convoluted tale of a clearly unstable hollywood screenwriter felix bonhoeffler (anthony hopkins), who is working on a murder mystery that's being filmed in the california desert. whirling in and out of his conscious and sub-conscious mind are his wife, gina (played by hopkins' real-life wife, stella arroyave, making her screen debut); an aspiring blonde actress (lisa pepper); loquacious aunt bette (fionnula flanagan); a perplexed, baby-toting film director (gavin grazer); caustic cinematographer (chris lawford); obnoxious producer named harvey brickman (john turturro); several long-suffering, somewhat maniacal actors (christian slater, jeffrey tambor, michael clarke duncan, camryn manheim, s. epatha merkerson) and - miracle of miracles! - 93 year-old kevin mccarthy recalling "invasion of the body snatchers"). there's also an amusing dolly parton look-alike (charlene rose), talking buzzard and furry tarantula.     structurally reminiscent of christopher nolan's non-linear, dream-like "memento" with a dab of david lynch thrown in, it's written and directed by anthony hopkins (oscar-winner for "the silence of the lambs"), who also composed the musical score. working with cinematographer dante spinotti and film editor michael e. miller, hopkins utilizes a visual cacophony of rapid cuts, old movie clips, stock footage and color film stock changes, often punctuated with seemingly random, out-of-context sound bites.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "slipstream" is a stream-of-consciousness, playfully surreal, satirical 7. as hopkins notes, it's the mad hatter's tea party - and be sure to stay for the somewhat explanatory epilogue that occurs after the credits. susan granger's review of "gone, baby, gone" (miramax films)     ben affleck makes a powerful directorial debut with this timely yet perplexing crime thriller about two private investigators searching for an abducted four year-old boston girl.     no one could call irresponsible helen mccready (amy ryan) a good mother. an admitted substance abuser (alcohol, cocaine, heroin), she's thrust into the media spotlight when her four year-old daughter, amanda, is kidnapped from their dingy apartment.     distraught and dissatisfied with the investigation led by capt. james doyle (morgan freeman) and his crimes against children unit, amy's aunt, bea mccready (amy madigan) and her husband, lionel (titus welliver), hire a team of young private detectives (casey affleck, michelle monaghan) who are familiar with the seedy denizens of their dorchester neighborhood's tight-knit underworld. reluctantly, capt. doyle agrees to let them work with his experienced cops (ed harris, john ashton), and they soon discover that $130,000 belonging to an unsavory haitian drug dealer known as 'cheese' (edi gathegi) went missing not long before amanda disappeared. could there be a connection?     adapted from a novel by dennis lehane ("mystic river") by aaron stockard and ben affleck - who won an oscar for co-writing "good will hunting" - it's filled with intriguing moral and ethical ambiguity. as a boston native working with cinematographer john toll, affleck achieves the emotion-driven, working-class authenticity essential to the story's believability.     fresh from his villainous performance in "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford," casey affleck (ben's younger brother) demonstrates his versatility as the perseverant, albeit baby-faced private eye. (in an amusing jibe, he's told to go back to his harry potter book.)     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "gone, baby, gone" is an enigmatic 8 - with a challenging conclusion that's bound to ignite conversation after the lights go on. susan granger's review of "rendition" (new line cinema)     considering the incendiary subject matter - the use of torture to extract information - this political thriller should be a lot more compelling than it is.     the title refers to america's highly controversial "extraordinary rendition" policy, granting the government the right to hold anyone suspected of terrorism - without evidence or legal counsel; indeed, the u.s. supreme court ruled earlier this month not to hear khaled el-masri's case on the basis of state secrets.     reese witherspoon plays the pregnant wife of anwar el-ibrahimi (omar metwaly), an egyptian-born american chemical engineer on his way home to chicago from a business conference in south africa. because there's a suspicion that he might be linked to the death of a top cia official in a suicide bombing in an unnamed north african country, he is abducted to a secret detention facility near marrakech, morocco, where he's stripped naked and tortured. a rookie cia analyst (jake gyllenhaal) is forced to observe the horrifying "interrogation" by a sadistic arab (israeli actor igal naor) whose daughter (zineb oukach), coincidentally, is secretly involved with the brother (moa khouas) of the leader of the radical islamic group that her father is investigating.     meanwhile, stateside, frantic isabella heads to washington d.c. where, conveniently, her old college beau (peter sarsgaard), coincidentally, works for a senator (alan arkin). but this has little influence with the cia's terrorism chief (meryl streep), hiding her iciness under a cloak of patriotism.     kelly sane's murky, confusingly structured script reeks of melodrama which - to his credit - oscar-winning south african director gavin hood ("tsotsi") does his best to underplay while examining the repercussions of our "war on terrorism." on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "rendition" is a troubling yet disappointing 6. warning: the torture scenes are authentic and agonizing. susan granger's review of "tyler perry's why did i get married?" (lionsgate)     tyler perry is a cultural phenomenon as creator of a hugely successful series of formulaic, christian-themed, sin-and-redemption movies, specifically targeted at an affluent african-american audience. and ever since his movie debut, "diary of a mad black woman," his films have not been screened for critics - hence, the delayed review.     in this latest, set at an annual retreat in a rocky mountain resort, four married couples, and friends since college days, delve into the strengths and weaknesses of each other's marriages. there's a well-meaning romance psychologist/author (singer janet jackson), married to an award-winning architect (malik yoba of tvs "new york undercover"); a sassy, hard-drinking beauty tycoon (tasha smith) with her confrontational, vd-infected husband (michael jai white); and a workaholic, blackberry-obsessed lawyer (sharon leal of "dreamgirls") who's ambivalent about motherhood and her pediatrician husband (played by perry). but the central couple is a despicable philanderer (richard t. jones) and his self-effacing, obese wife (singer jill scott), whose girth gets her booted from her airplane in the film's opening sequence - because they bring along a "friend" (denise boutte).     blending comedy with melodrama, tyler perry achieves a tad more subtlety than in his preachy, stereotypical "madea" films, even "daddy's little girls," aided in great part by the effective acting ensemble and toyomichi kurita's cinematography. but his strong, sexy female characters are still too shrill and obvious in their evangelical instincts and the men are, inevitably, wayward.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "tyler perry's why did i get married?" is a compassionate, therapeutic 5. in perry's cliché-filled scenarios, nearly all white characters are depicted as conscious or unconscious bigots, which is a shame - in this day and age - since relationship issues are not delineated along racial lines. susan granger's review of "golda's balcony"     not only is this poignant portrait of israel's former prime minister golda meir riveting and powerful, it also reminds and enlightens us about the origins of the current middle east conflict.     a tenacious and resilient woman, golda mabovitch was born in kiev, russia; raised in milwaukee; emigrated to palestine with her husband, morris myerson; and spent many years in a kibbutz, where - while making matzoh balls in the kitchen - she plotted and planned the creation of israel.    tony award-winning playwright william gibson's incisive story begins as the ailing meir recalls facing her most terrifying moral dilemma at the height of the 1973 yom kippur war. israel is in crisis and defeat would mean the obliteration of the jewish state. while she had an inkling that trouble was brewing, moshe dayan, her defense minister opposed launching a pre-emptive strike, fearing worldwide condemnation. that leaves meir begging u.s. president richard nixon - through intermediaries - for the phantom fighters that he'd promised.     the great revelation - which i never knew - is that strong-willed meir had secretly supervised the creation of an immense underground nuclear weapons arsenal called dimona, which was labeled as a desalinazation plant. faced with possible extinction, meir held up the nuclear trump card to nixon, which hastened the delivery of the fighter jets.     valerie harper's uncanny portrayal is often amusing and remarkably authentic; in addition, she impersonates cohorts like david ben-gurion and henry kissinger. it's a versatile, tour-de-force performance. director jeremy kagan's visual montages of photographs and newsreel footage add to the veracity as he amplifies what is, essentially, a one-woman show. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "golda's balcony" is a timely, amazing 8, illustrating the ironic absurdity of going to war to achieve peace through the redemption of the human race. susan granger's review of "into the wild" (paramount vantage)     sean penn has adapted jon krakauer's book about a rebellious, 22 year-old emory college graduate, christopher mccandless (emile hirsch), who gave away or destroyed his money, cut off all ties to his family, tramped around the country and wound up alone in the yukon wilderness, where he died in august, 1992.     among the first people mccandless rejects are his troubled but caring parents (william hurt, marcia gay harden) and devoted sister (jena malone). he's then befriended by a south dakota wheat farmer (vince vaughn), an aging hippie (catherine keener) and an elderly widower (hal holbook) - who act as surrogate family, trying to dissuade him from taking off for alaska to live off the land.     when mccandless finally arrives in the wilderness - stubbornly ignorant about survival skills - he stumbles across an old, abandoned fairbanks school bus that's conveniently been converted into a shelter. by whom we're never told. he settles in, lopes around the landscape, reads leo tolstoy, jack london, henry david thoreau - and slowly starves to death.     what's bizarre is the way writer/director penn idealizes and never questions this self-destructive, totally egocentric adventurer, as though there were something admirable about his foolish, reckless, anti-social behavior. mccandless's romanticized character is saved from being insufferable by the open-faced geniality and kind intelligence radiated by actor emile hirsch, who became emaciated during the course of the filming.     visually arresting, it's nevertheless photographed by eric gautier as if it were a car commercial - one of those scenic wonders where the newest model is perched atop a mountain peak, as if that had any relevance to the consumer's driving experience.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "into the wild" is a bleak, pretentious 5 - with the pathos stretching a tedious 140 minutes. susan granger's review of "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" (warner bros.)     when a film's running time is 2 hours and 40 minutes, it's often because the writer is also directing - so there's no one to tell him to cut out 40 minutes, or else!     back in the 1870s, jesse james (brad pitt) was the country's most notorious outlaw. celebrated in dime novels, his exploits were legendary. as years pass, most of the original gang members die and jesse's brother (sam shepard) retires.  hanging on the coattails of his older brother charley (sam rockwell) and longing for acceptance is fawning, hero-worshipping 19 year-old robert ford (slyly played by casey affleck, ben's real-life younger brother). history records ford as "the coward" who shot 34 year-old jesse in the back, but the plot delves into the psyches of both gunslingers and what may - or may not - have precipitated that infamous murder.     jesse james is said to have been charismatic and complex, but you'd never know it from brad pitt's stolid, stoic performance, most remarkable for its pensive stillness - a trait which served gary cooper well in many westerns.      based on ron hansen's novel, it's self-indulgently adapted and languidly, pretentiously directed by andrew dominik, whose previous experience includes tv commercials, music videos and "chopper" about the notorious australian criminal chopper read. perhaps it's also not the best judgment to have the star (brad pitt) also serve as producer.     since it's so tedious to watch, the cameo by washington pundit james carville as the governor of missouri is a welcome diversion. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" is a turgid 4, making one wonder why it takes such a long, long time to kill jesse james. susan granger's review of "michael clayton" (warner bros.)     faced with moral corruption within the corporate culture, a lawyer gets sucked into a dangerous cover-up when a colleague threatens to expose the conspiracy behind the settlement of multimillion-dollar class-action suit against one of his firm's major clients.     while michael clayton (george clooney) has always yearned to be made partner, he's spent 17 years as a "fixer" for new york's prestigious kenner, bach & ledeen. when there's a sticky or embarrassing situation, clayton has the contacts to minimize the mess or make it disappear. but, at 45, and a divorced father with a young son, he's broke and in debt - the result of gambling and a failed family business venture. so when the lead litigator (tom wilkinson), previously diagnosed as a manic-depressive, has a crisis of conscience while defending u-north, a multinational agrichemical conglomerate, the senior exec (sydney pollack), who is negotiating a crucial merger, puts clayton in charge of the case. but u-north's ambitious, duplicitous chief counsel (tilda swinton) knows there's been corporate malfeasance and her job rests on protecting their interests - at any cost.     most of the plot is revealed in flashback, after clayton's car explodes in flames on a deserted country road. despite its scrambled structure and trenchant dialogue, long-time screenwriter ("the bourne identity" and its sequels) and first-time director tony gilroy makes this character-driven, multi-layered legal thriller compelling. also credit robert elswit's ("syriana," "good night and good luck") cinematography and james newton howard's subtle musical score.     along with power-player george clooney - terrific in challenging confrontational scenes - it's packed with top-notch supporting performances from tom wilkinson, tilda swinton and actor/director sydney pollack. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "michael clayton" is an arresting, engrossing 8. it would be a crime not to see it. susan granger's review of "the game plan" (disney)     genial dwayne "the rock" johnson has a huge fan following - which explains the astounding box-office success of this heart-warming if utterly predictable comedy.     the 6'4"-tall former wrestling champ plays legendary joe "never say no" kingman, an egomaniacal boston rebels quarterback whose swingin,' elvis-inspired bachelor lifestyle is interrupted by the unexpected arrival on his penthouse doorstep of a precocious eight year-old girl, peyton (disney channel "cory in the house" star madison pettis), who claims to be his daughter. it seems that her mother, joe's ex-wife, with whom he broke up nine years ago, is off to africa to supervise a massive humanitarian effort in the sudan and is utterly unreachable.     suddenly, distracting ballet classes, baby dolls and bedtime stories must be sandwiched in between practices and dates with supermodels - much to the chagrin of joe's aggressive agent, stella peck (kyra sedgwick of tv's "the closer"), as time for the pro championship game grows near.     revolving around what's really important in life, the formulaic screenplay was written by first-timers nichole millard & kathryn price and generically directed by andy fickman - including the usual mischief-making slapstick and sight gags: i.e. starting the kitchen blender with the lid off, filling the bathroom with bubbles, dressing joe's bulldog spike in a tutu. plus there's hotshot joe's unfortunate cinnamon-allergy and a "swan lake" dance recital supervised by joe's sexy dancer-love interest roselyn sanchez.     credit johnson's undeniable charisma for gaining ground while carrying this cuteness along, even when he's dressed in skintight green leotards and peyton marches forth in her own mini-football uniform. hopefully, johnson's next outing, starring as agent 23 in "get smart," will be better. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the game plan" is a good-natured, family-friendly 5 - from playboy to paternity. susan granger's review of "elizabeth: the golden age" (universal pictures)     this sequel to the highly acclaimed 1998 "elizabeth" is a historical costume drama - with far more emphasis on the 'costume' than the 'drama.'     it begins in 1585, when strong-willed, independent queen elizabeth i (cate blanchett) with her wily adviser, sir francis walsingham (geoffrey rush) faces her biggest challenge from across the channel. backed by the pope and the inquisition, philip ii of spain (jordi molla) is determined to conquer protestant england, utilizing his mighty armada, and to place elizabeth's treacherous catholic cousin, mary stuart, queen of scots (samantha morton), on the british throne.     meanwhile, at court, the dashing explorer walter raleigh (clive owen) returns from the new world, bearing gifts - like 'live' indians, potatoes, tobacco and gold - and intrigues elizabeth with his tales of adventure, while clandestinely seducing her favorite lady-in-waiting, bess (abbie cornish). predictably, when elizabeth discovers that bess is pregnant, jealousy overwhelms reason.     melodramatically written by william nicholson and michael hirst and pretentiously directed by shekhar kapur, it's lavish but as emotionally barren as elizabeth herself. resplendent cate blanchett still rants and raves but comes across shriller. while her majesty ages, blanchett obviously doesn't - the fact that the queen's now 52 is obviously irrelevant. clive owen oozes charisma, this time channeling that swashbuckling rogue, errol flynn.     trivia buffs note that bette davis also played queen elizabeth i in "the private lives of elizabeth and essex" (1939) and "the virgin queen" (1955) with young, pre-"dynasty" joan collins as bess.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "elizabeth: the golden age" is a shallow, cliché-filled, deafening 6. there's simply no excuse for craig armstrong and ar rahman's musical score to be so overpowering - except, perhaps, to keep you awake when you might be inclined to nod off. susan granger's review of "the darjeeling limited" (fox searchlight)     the luggage! the luggage! it's all about the baggage.     wes anderson ("rushmore," "bottle rocket," "the royal tennenbaums") once again delves into family dysfunction, as the three wealthy, but estranged, whitman brothers - who haven't seen each other in the year since their father's funeral - journey through rural india by train with 11 - count 'em - stunning, custom-made, animal motif louis vuitton suitcases.     except for a shared penchant for substance abuse, they couldn't be more different. the eldest, francis (owen wilson), his head in bandages as the result of a motorcycle accident, is the 'organizer,' distributing laminated cards delineating each day's spiritual activities. "we're here to find ourselves and bond with each other," he decrees.     middle sibling peter (adrien brody) has a pregnant wife, while the youngest, jack (jason schwartzman), is still so obsessed with his 'ex' that he eavesdrops on her answering machine. but that doesn't stop him from having a liaison with their compliant compartment attendant (amara karan), infuriating the prim steward (waris ahluwalia).     when they finally track down their self-absorbed mother (anjelica huston) in an isolated himalayan convent, she - gently but firmly - tells them to quit obsessing about the past. forgiveness would mean traveling lighter, leaving a lot of emotional baggage behind.     meticulously stylized and nimbly filmed on a retrofitted indian train, it's a spicy, lyrical cinematic feast, slyly written by anderson, schwartzman (talia shire's son) and roman coppola (francis's son) - with a terrific score and cameos by ifan khan and bill murray.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the darjeeling limited" is a poignant, peripatetic 8. access the titular website for anderson's short, "hotel chevalier," featuring jason schwartzman's character having a rendezvous in paris with his 'ex' (natalie portman), which will undoubtedly be part of the dvd. susan granger's review of "lust, caution" (focus features)     daring, innovative director ang lee follows his controversial "brokeback mountain" and breathtaking "crouching tiger, hidden dragon" with this erotic chinese historical drama, rated nc-17 for "explicit sexuality."     based on an eileen chang short story set during the japanese occupation of shanghai during world war ii, the plot involves a guileless young drama student (tang wei) who is recruited by idealistic kuang yu-min (wang lee-hom) to impersonate an aspiring socialite, mrs. mak, and join the mah-jongg game run by mrs. yee (joan chen) in order to seduce and entrap her husband, mr. yee (tony leung chiu-wai), a cruel collaborator who routinely turns in resistance members to the japanese invaders. she's constantly afraid that her real identity will be discovered and he's paranoid about being duped. the furtive tension generated by their fear becomes mutual lust, punctuated by the staccato 'clack, clack, clack' of mah-jongg tiles.      in the espionage vein, it's not unlike dutch director paul verhoeven's "black book" about a pretty jewess who takes a gestapo officer as her lover to aid the resistance.     as for the bold, often violent and abusive sex scenes, leung and wei maneuver naked through an unpredictable kama sutra of gratuitously graphic positions.     "each time they have intercourse, it's like a conversation," explains lee, "sex is the ultimate body language. the contortion of their bodies visually represents what they inflict on each other."     lovely beijing newcomer tang wei carries the film, ably supported by hong kong's top actor tony leung chiu-wai, while joan chen is superb as the gossipy, materialistic matron. rodrigo prieto's cinematography is exquisite, accompanied by alexandre desplat's music. in chinese with english subtitles, on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "lust, caution" is a suspenseful, sadomasochistic 7, running a painfully long 158 minutes. susan granger's review of "in the valley of elah" (warner independent)     academy award season is officially underway with the release of this hard-hitting drama by paul haggis ("crash"), exploring the emotional wreckage of the current war.     soon after a young soldier, mike deerfield (jonathan tucker), returns to fort rudd from active duty in iraq, he's reported awol. when his commanding officer phones his parents (tommy lee jones, susan sarandon) in tennessee, they're mystified. hank's a stoic vietnam vet but they've already lost the eldest son in a helicopter crash. so he drives to the new mexico base to investigate, dutifully stopping en route to correct a guatemalan immigrant who is flying the american flag upside down by mistake.     meanwhile, there's a jurisdictional skirmish between military police and local detectives over the incinerated remnants of a dismembered body found scattered in a field near the base. forensic evidence indicates it's mike - but recently promoted det. emily sanders (charlize theron), a single mother, is baffled by the crime scene, which the army brass (jason patric, james franco) dismiss as a drug deal-gone-bad. utilizing his experience as an army mp, hank suspiciously interrogates mike's clean-cut comrades and hires a techie (rick gonzalez) to hack into mike's cellphone and retrieve scrambled video footage he took in iraq, which, eventually, sheds light on what occurred.     adapted from a playboy magazine article, "death and dishonor" by mark boal and elegantly photographed by roger deakins, it features one of tommy lee jones' finest performances as an agonized father questioning long-held beliefs. charlize theron, frances fisher and susan sarandon are convincing, but sarandon is woefully underutilized. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "in the valley of elah" is a profoundly powerful and disturbing 9, taking its title from the biblical valley where david fought goliath.   susan granger's review of "eastern promises" (focus features)     the naked bathhouse fight is perhaps the most eagerly anticipated scene in director david cronenberg's latest thriller - but there's more to it than that.    once a prisoner in siberia, stoic, stone-faced and ruthlessly ambitious nikoli luzhin (viggo mortensen) works as a driver for twinkly-eyed, mild-mannered semyon (armin mueller-stahl), the proprietor of an elegant russian restaurant in london. but behind the scenes - and the perpetually bubbling borscht - semyon is the shrewd godfather of the expatriate mob. known as vory v zakone, its members, like japanese yakuza, have distinguishing tattoos.     when hospital midwife anna khitrova (naomi watts) retrieves a diary, written in cyrillic, off a teenage girl from the ukraine who dies giving birth to a baby girl, she naively asks semyon to translate it - after her russian-born uncle (polish director jerzy skolimowski) refuses. the diary details how the girl has been exploited as a sex slave, serving the kingpin and his minions, including his nasty, psychopathic son, kirill (french actor vincent cassel), who obviously feels homosexual urges toward hard-bodied nikoli.     mortensen's highly publicized naked scene takes place in a turkish steam bath where he's attacked by two black leather-clad, knife-wielding chechen thugs. gratuitous and exploitive, his full-frontal exposure makes him particularly vulnerable during the brutal, four-minute encounter, which is perhaps the longest male nude scene ever in a hollywood mainstream movie.      working from steve knight's ("dirty pretty things") maudlin script, cronenberg ("a history of violence") and cinematographer peter suschitzky ratchet the tension by adding shadowy, sinister undertones, amplified by howard shore's melodramatic score. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "eastern promises" is a grimly gory, ultimately surprising 7. and it certainly makes you stop thinking about viggo mortensen as "lord of the rings'" king aragorn of middle earth.   susan granger's review of "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" (warner bros.)     when a film's running time is 2 hours and 40 minutes, it's often because the writer is also directing - so there's no one to tell him to cut out 40 minutes, or else!     back in the 1870s, jesse james (brad pitt) was the country's most notorious outlaw. celebrated in dime novels, his exploits were legendary. as years pass, most of the original gang members die and jesse's brother (sam shepard) retires.  hanging on the coattails of his older brother charley (sam rockwell) and longing for acceptance is fawning, hero-worshipping 19 year-old robert ford (slyly played by casey affleck, ben's real-life younger brother). history records ford as "the coward" who shot 34 year-old jesse in the back, but the plot delves into the psyches of both gunslingers and what may - or may not - have precipitated that infamous murder.     jesse james is said to have been charismatic and complex, but you'd never know it from brad pitt's stolid, stoic performance, most remarkable for its pensive stillness - a trait which served gary cooper well in many westerns.      based on ron hansen's novel, it's self-indulgently adapted and languidly, pretentiously directed by andrew dominik, whose previous experience includes tv commercials, music videos and "chopper" about the notorious australian criminal chopper read. perhaps it's also not the best judgment to have the star (brad pitt) also serve as producer.     since it's so tedious to watch, the cameo by washington pundit james carville as the governor of missouri is a welcome diversion. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" is a turgid 4, making one wonder why it takes such a long, long time to kill jesse james. susan granger's review of "across the universe" (sony pictures entertainment)     innovative theatrical director julie taymor ("the lion king") turns more than 30 beatles songs into a lavishly phantasmagorical audio/visual experience.     it begins on a liverpool beach, where a young man, jude (jim sturgess) sits on the sand singing, "is there anybody going to listen to my story - all about the girl who came to stay? she's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry; still you don't regret a single day."     the girl is lucy (evan rachel wood), just one of the invented characters, along with her older brother, max (joe anderson), who gets drafted. somehow they're sharing a bohemian pad in greenwich village - with rockers jojo (martin luther mccoy) and joplinesque sadie (dana fuchs) and a lesbian cheerleader from ohio, prudence (t.v. carpio), who croons "i wanna hold your hand" against a football ballet.     back in 1998, the bee gees "sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band" tried - and failed - to re-create the '60s and beatlemania, so credit 54 year-old julie taymor ("frida," "titus") for courage, collaborating with composer/arranger elliot goldenthal, choreographer daniel ezralow, along with screenwriters dick clement and ian la frenais.     "let it be" transforms into a gospel hymn set in the detroit riots, while "strawberry fields forever" is vietnam-themed. there's bono as a beatnik poet musing "i am the walrus" and salma hayek as five sexy, sinister nurses who administer morphine to max in a va hospital to the strains of "happiness is a warm gun", plus cameos by joe cocker and eddie izzard. not surprisingly, the stylized cinematography ranges from realistic to surreal. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "across the universe" is a unique, if incoherent 7, a fantastic, counterculture voyage to nowhere. all you need is love, man. susan granger's review of "halloween" (dimension films)     ron zombie's "re-imagining" of john carpenter's "halloween" (1978) has made a killing at the box-office so it's impossible to ignore.     the story delves deeper into what turned young michael myers into a psychopathic killer. and - guess what? - it's his dysfunctional family.     there's his stripper mother (sheri moon zombie), abusive stepfather (william forsythe), trampy older sister (hanna hall) and baby sister - most of whom 10 year-old michael (daeg faerch) dispatches in a variety of nasty ways, sparing only mom and the baby. michael is sent to a maximum-security sanitarium under the watchful eye of dr. sam loomis, a child psychologist (matthew mcdowell). but rehabilitation doesn't happen; michael won't talk and has a mask fetish, creating leatherface out of papier-mache. so it's no surprise that, 16 years later, when he's being moved to another facility on halloween, now grown-up michael (former pro wrestler tyler mane) escapes, leaving hacked-up corpses in his wake.     back in haddonfield, he discovers that baby sis, laurie (scout taylor-compton, ineptly replacing jamie lee curtis), has been adopted, so he goes on another killing spree, eliminating her best friends - both boys and girls - much to consternation of the sheriff (brad dourif) and dr. loomis. this mayhem is accentuated by tyler bates' generically creepy score. curiously, there's no visual allusion to the halloween celebration - no carved pumpkins, no trick 'n' treaters.     it's said rock star-turned-filmmaker rob zombie ("house of 1000 corpses," "the devil's rejects") spent only about $15 million, but bob weinstein, co-founder of the weinstein co., doubts that there will be another sequel: "i never say never, never.but it would have to be something very different." on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "halloween" slashes its way to a violent 3, making mincemeat of far better films at the multiplex. susan granger's review of "the brave one" (warner bros.)     victim to vigilante: that's the emotional journey jodie foster takes in this action drama that switches gender with charles bronson's "death wish."     erica bain (foster) is the manhattan-enthusing host of an fm-radio show, "street walk," sharing her sentiments and recorded sounds from around the big apple. one night, as she and her fiancé david ("lost's" naveen andrews) walk their dog along a deserted path in central park, they're brutally mugged. david dies - and erica is left so emotionally devastated that she buys a 9mm handgun, ostensibly for protection in the city that she loves yet now fears.     but when she witnesses a subway attack, her pent-up rage erupts and she impulsively shoots the punks responsible. empowered, she then wipes out a shooter in a convenience-store, a high-profile crook and a junkie who abducted a prostitute. in the meantime, she's befriended by an nypd detective (terrence howard) grappling with his own moral conflict as they hunt down david's killers.     written by roderick taylor, bruce a. taylor and cynthia mort and smartly directed by neil jordan ("the crying game," "breakfast on pluto"), despite some inherent implausibility, it's a multi-layered psychological revenge thriller about the survivor of a violent crime who is determined to regain control of her own life, even if that means prowling the streets at night, deliberately setting herself up as bait.     admittedly and unabashedly subversive, it's bound to incite controversy, along with accolades for jodie foster's astonishing performance, one of the best of her career. and terrence howard delivers on the promise he displayed in "hustle & flow" and "crash." on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the brave one" is an almost tortuously high-tension, exciting 8. "someone is playing god out there - in the name of justice." susan granger's review of "the hunting party" (the weinstein company)     in this a political thriller about reckless tv journalists-turned-bounty hunters, the first words on the screen are: "only the most ridiculous parts of this story are true."     when disgraced veteran journalist simon hunt (richard gere) discovers that his trusty camera operator, duck (terrence howard), is back in sarajevo - a decade after the war - holding a cushy job working with the network anchorman (james brolin), he tracks duck down and presents a bizarre proposal: an 'exclusive' with the elusive (and fictional) fox (ljubomir kerekes), a balkan war criminal who killed thousands of bosnian muslims and tops the world's 'most wanted' list.     never mind that the cia, nato, the un and the hague are hunting for him - and there's a $5 million bounty on his head. to complicate matters, a network exec's eager son, benjamin (jesse eisenberg), a harvard grad, insists on accompanying them. thus begins a horrific road trip.     based on a true story by scott anderson that was published in esquire magazine back in 2005, this dark comedy, cleverly adapted and directed by richard shepherd ("the matador"), exudes irony and irreverence - if not plausibility.     it's obvious that richard gere ("the hoax") relishes the role of the hard-drinking simon - whose on-air meltdown cost him his career - and his perilous, high-stakes gamble has a revenge motive, since simon's pregnant bosnian girl-friend was killed by the serbs under the fox's orders. as his reluctant accomplice, terrence howard is as convincing then he was opposite jodie foster in "the brave one," while jesse eisenberg ("the squid and the whale") does the best he can with what is, essentially, an underwritten role.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the hunting party" is a cynical 7, highlighting the absurdity of war. susan granger's review of "mr. woodcock" (new line cinema)     the title of the picture is about as funny as this gets. there's not much class here.     billy bob thornton has played nasty roles before in "bad news bears," "school for scoundrels" and "bad santa," so it's not much of a stretch for him to tackle mr. woodcock, an abusive physical-education teacher who falls in love with a woman whose son he gleefully tormented all through middle-school.     it all begins as john farley (seann william scott of "american pie") returns to his nebraska hometown on a promotional tour for his best-selling self-help book, "letting go: getting past your past." to his horror, he discovers that his widowed mother beverly (susan sarandon) is sexually involved with the tyrannical jock who humiliated him as a kid. memories of the suffering he endured during his chubby, geeky adolescence overwhelm reason as farley sets out to sabotage their wedding plans.     written by michael carnes and josh gilbert and originally scheduled for release last year, "mr. woodcock" was temporarily shelved and several of director craig gillespie's original scenes were re-shot by producer david dobkin, who directed "wedding crashers."     to his credit, billy bob thornton resists the temptation to ham-it-up, delivering vulgar contemptuousness with a stone-face, leaving the hysteria to seann william scott. susan sarandon is given little to do but react. in supporting roles, amy poehler nails farley's nasty publicist, ethan supplee scores as farley's old friend and (uncredited) bill macy demonstrates the genetic derivation of woodcock's obnoxiousness.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "mr. woodcock" is a flabby, unfocused 5. the only redeeming aspect of this ridiculous comedy is that it skewers those sweat-suited phys-ed sadists we all remember from gym class, but is that satisfaction really worth the price of admission? susan granger’s review of “the kingdom” (universal pictures) if you like compelling, politically provocative, action-packed entertainment, don’t miss peter berg’s “the kingdom” – with a timely plot plucked from current events. the title sequence deftly summarizes america’s involvement with saudi arabia, delineating how oil has not only made us dependent on the friendship of the royal family but has also incited the wrath of wahabi militants within the kingdom. when there’s a massive suicide bomber attack on an american compound, aimed at oil company workers and their families, two saudi officers are also shot. while the fbi usually investigates when americans are murdered on foreign soil, the attorney general (danny huston) refuses to authorize any official action, preferring to leave it to the diplomats. but special agent ronald fleury (jamie foxx) prevails – one of his colleagues was killed – and assembles a top-notch team (jennifer garner, chris cooper and jason bateman). given only five days, they must circumvent an abrasive american diplomat (jeremy piven), sort through the debris and find the culprit, accompanied by saudi colonel al ghazi (ashraf barhom) and police sergeant haytham (ali suliman). .loosely based on the 1996 bombing of khobar towers in saudi arabia, written by matthew michael carnahan, and directed by peter berg, the procedural - yet gung-ho - screenplay attempts to delineate the culture clash. while foxx is revenge-driven, he’s also a devoted father; garner’s a lollipop-loving combatant, etc. – and this complexity extends to the arab characters too. but, rather than exuding gritty authenticity, mauro fiore’s jerky, handheld camerawork is confusing – and annoying. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, “the kingdom” is an exciting 8. but there’s an inherent problem: the concept that only americans can solve the world’s problems could be what got us into our on-going conflict in the first place. susan granger's review of "shoot 'em up" (new line cinema)     there's something to be said for truth in advertising. never have so many bullets been fired by so many men - for the sheer fun of it.     as enigmatic mr. smith (clive owen) sits on a bench, waiting for a bus and munching a big, crispy carrot, a pregnant woman, obviously in labor, runs past him, chased by a gunman with a car full of black-clad cohorts. dashing to her defense, he polishes off her pursuers while delivering the baby, blasting the umbilical cord with a gunshot. carrying the woman's corpse - and the newborn - he escapes. while intending to find the infant a proper home, he's perpetually followed by a really, really nasty bad guy (paul giamatti) - and an army of thugs. along the way, glowering mr. smith recruits a lactating prostitute (beautiful monica belluci) whose kinky specialty is wet-nursing clients. as for a semi-coherent plot, it seems the powerful gun lobby is involved in a shadowy scheme to harvest bone marrow for an influential u.s. senator running for president.     satirically written and directed by michael davis ("eight days a week"), it's outrageously violent and intentionally trashy - at warp speed. with tongue firmly planted in cheek and a deadpan demeanor, clive owens ("children of men") embodies "the angriest man in the world." as the heinous villain/henpecked husband, paul giamatti ("the nanny diaries") is reprehensible. "do you know why a gun is better than a wife?" he asks one of his thugs. "you can put a silencer on a gun."     for some, this perversity may be entertaining; for others (like me), it's just inane. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "shoot 'em up" is a silly, smarmy, shell-shocked 6, offering frenetic, absurdist, over-the-top violence - like a live-action cartoon. susan granger's review of "balls of fury" (rogue)     fortunately, stupidity is not a sin - or this misguided comedy would be convicted.     a former child prodigy who has never forgotten his disgraceful defeat at age 12 and a deadly debacle at the 1988 olympics in seoul, randy daytona (dan fogler, tony-winner of broadway's "the 25th annual putnam county spelling bee") is recruited by an fbi agent (george lopez) ostensibly to compete in an illegal, underground table-tennis tournament but actually to help capture the notorious international arms dealer, master feng (christopher walken), the triad kingpin who is responsible for the death of randy's father.     slovenly, chubby and 'way out of competitive shape, randy, wielding an '88 "def leppard rules" paddle, goes into training with an elderly, blind grandmaster (james hong of "big trouble in little china"), who happens to have a gorgeously nimble niece, maggie (hong kong superstar maggie q of "mission impossible iii"), who plays ping-pong like a demon. as the match "somewhere in central america" proceeds, losers are fiendishly dispatched with poison darts and a sex slave (diedrich bader) rues not reading the fine print in his contract.     obviously devoted to crude slapstick, writer/director robert ben garant ("reno 911"), along with writing collaborator thomas lennon (who also plays a small part), pile on the stale, rancid ham. indiscriminate yet ever-game christopher walken ("hairspray") seems to relish his wardrobe (a garish variety of satin robes - courtesy of costumer mary ann bozek - along with a mile-high hairdo) and delivering inane lines like, "okey-dokey, artichokey." and dan fogler comes across as a curiously unappealing blend of jack black and seth rogen. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "balls of fury" is a cheesy, chop-socky, sophomoric 3. it's like a "saturday night live" skit stretched out to a mind-numbing 90 minutes. susan granger's review of "death sentence" (20th century fox)     september must be 'payback' month.  in this overwrought revenge thriller, a mild-mannered, hard-working insurance adjuster, nick hume (kevin bacon) with a loving wife (kelly preston) and two sons, brendan (stuart lafferty) and lucas (jordan garrett), seeks vengeance for a heartbreaking crime.     it all begins as nick and teenage brendan make a late-night stop after a hockey game at a gas station/mini-market, where some tattooed thugs blast the store clerk with a shotgun and - in a gang initiation ritual - one punk, joe (matthew o'leary), attacks and kills brendan with a machete.     although joe is arrested, the prosecutor offers a plea deal of only three to five years in prison. furious that joe won't do hard time, nick refuses to testify and takes justice into his own hands, stalking joe and stabbing him to death. problem is: joe's older brother, the gang leader billy (garrett hedlund) declares that nick has just "bought.a death sentence" for his all-too-vulnerable family.     in supporting roles, aisha taylor is the lone 'voice-of-conscience' detective, while john goodman chews the scenery as a weapons dealer with paternal gangland ties.     screenwriter ian mackenzie jeffers loosely adapts brian garfield's sequel to "death wish" which is directed by torture-master james wan (the "saw" trio). despite one impressively photographed chase sequence atop a parking garage - credit the shaky cinematography of john r. leonetti - it's exploitive and overwrought with extreme violence, bound to turn off all but the most excessively blood-thirsty movie-goers. and its conclusion is an unabashed rip-off of travis bickle's shaved head and blown-off fingers in "taxi driver," punctuated by the hardcore, heavy-handed soundtrack and score. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "death sentence" is a gritty, dismal 1 - as in one of the worst movies of the year. susan granger's review of "the nanny diaries" (mgm/the weinstein company)     this film adaptation of the popular, satirical chick-lit novel by emma mclaughlin and nicola krause misses so many chances to be funny.     the concept is that a working-class girl is hired to take care of a spoiled upper east side tot. annie braddock (scarlett johansson) is a bright college grad from a new jersey suburb. although her mom (donna murphy), a hard-working nurse, tries to steer her into finance, annie's more into anthropology, examining mothers from various cultures, depicted in dioramas at the museum of natural history.     annie's hired by a high-strung, complaining control-freak, mrs. x (laura linney), who demands that her precocious five year-old, grayer (nicholas reese art) be read to from the wall street journal and, on his birthday, be amused by two french mimes. her crude, philandering husband (paul giamatti) prefers a lower class type of entertainment, precipitating predictable marital squabbles.     if annie's not generic enough, her best friend's (alicia keys) downright boring. and annie's lying to her mother about working as a wall street business trainee, rather than baby-sitting a brat, is a transgression with no consequences.     part of the appeal of the snarky novel was that its authors, presumably, had nannied for park avenue society matrons and snobbish celebrities, voyeuristically gobbling up gossip along the way. the shallow, formulaic script, written and directed by robert pulcini and shari springer burton ("american splendor" collaborators), has none of that pretense.     bless her, laura linney does a valiant job within the trivial caricature, but scarlett johansson's appeal only seems to surface only for woody allen. here, she's sullen, soft and sultry, attributes that undermine her role. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the nanny diaries" is a banal, disappointing 3, making 'perfection' look pretty bleak. susan granger's review of "3:10 to yuma" (lionsgate)     no one knows how many thousands of westerns have been made, but the first notable one was "the great train robbery" in 1903. since then, we've watched westerns for more years than there was a wild west, since they're usually set in the years between the conclusion of the civil war and the end of the 19th century.     james mangold's re-make of delmer daves' 1957 anti-hero redemption saga revolves around the psychological conflict between a crippled, courageous rancher, dan evans (christian bale), and a notorious killer, ben wade (russell crowe). after suffering a period of draught and subsequent debt, evans' family is awakened one night to discover their barn burning and small herd of cattle rustled, subsequently serving as a stampede diversion for a stagecoach robbery. that sets up his first encounter with ben wade - but far from his last.     writers michael brandt and derek haas have added to elmore leonard's story and halsted welles' original script, making it more violent, cynical and brutal - with the clock-ticking convention of "high noon" and "rio bravo" and an enigmatic conclusion. james mangold ("walk the line") keeps the tension taut as evans is grimly determined to deposit wade on the 3:10 train to yuma prison.     russell crowe's sophisticated, multi-dimensional sociopath anchors the story, while scowling christian bale's seems weighted down with stoic, stubborn, idealistic virtue. or perhaps it's just his choice to underplay. as wade's dastardly accomplice, ben foster scores, and peter fonda is memorable as a corrupt bounty hunter. on the other hand, the 'frontier women' (gretchen mol, vinessa shaw) are too creamed and coiffed to be even remotely believable. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "3:10 to yuma" is a gritty, galloping 8, an authentic western with cynical, contemporary touches. susan granger's review of "resurrecting the champ" (yari film group)     film critic-turned-writer/director rod lurie ("the contender," tv's "commander-in-chief") scores again with this crowd-pleasing sports drama     ambitious erik kernan (josh hartnett) is a struggling rookie sports reporter at the denver times who labors under the cloud of his late newspaperman father's stellar reputation, trying - in vain - to please metz (alan alda), his demanding editor.     one day, erik, literally, stumbles onto an elderly homeless man, nicknamed champ (samuel l. jackson), who was beaten up by a gang of juvenile delinquents while rummaging for booze in garbage cans in a downtown alley. the vagrant refers to himself as boxing legend battling bob satterfield, who was believed to have passed away long ago. satterfield was once a heavyweight 'contender' in every sense of the word, ranked #3 in the world and sparring with rocky marciano.     encouraged by the editor (david paymer) of the newspaper's magazine section, erik is determined to tell champ's story, and the co-dependent relationship that develops between writer-and-subject takes some wild jabs and makes unexpected bobs and weaves. meanwhile, in the background, there's erik's estranged wife/co-worker (kathryn morris) and young son (dakota goyo).     wearing a gray wig of wild dreadlocks, samuel l. jackson is terrific as the battered-but-unbowed champ. josh hartnett scores and - in supporting roles - so do teri hatcher and peter coyote.     based on a true los angeles times magazine story by j.r. moehringer and adapted for the screen by michael bortman and allison burnett, it's not only a boxing saga but also a contemplation of journalistic ethics - kind of like "rocky" meets "all the president's men." on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "resurrecting the champ" is an uplifting, redemptive 7. as erik observes: "it's you that's out there - and there's no place to hide." susan granger's review of "september dawn" (black diamond films)     bound to incite a new wave of anti-mormon controversy, "september dawn" chronicles the horrific real-life mountain meadows massacre, the first known act of religious terrorism on u.s. soil and one of the darkest moments in mormon history.     back on september 11, 1857, 120 innocent pioneers - men, women and children - en route to california were slaughtered in utah by a raiding party that claimed direct orders from the mormon church hierarchy. only 17 of the youngest children were spared and later 'adopted' by local mormon families.     when the wagon-train, led by capt. alexander fancher (shaun johnston), encounters fanatic mormon bishop jacob samuelson (jon voight), just outside cedar city, there's immediate tension. believing rumors that u.s. troops might remove territorial governor brigham young (terence stamp), the mormons are distrustful of "gentiles," which is what they call anyone not of their faith. while bishop samuelson reluctantly allows capt. fancher's party to camp for two weeks, he dispatches his oldest son (trent ford) to spy on them and, in doing so, the young man falls in love with the minister's daughter (tamara hope). with its "romeo and juliet" theme, tragedy is inevitable as religious fanaticism overwhelms reason.     determined to be historically accurate, filmmaker christopher cain ("young guns") drew on a 27-page confession by john d. lee, who was convicted for his part in the carnage, along with actual transcripts of brigham young's fiery sermons which instructed, "if any miserable scoundrels come here, cut their throats."     while the convoluted narrative is, at times, confusing, the cast is convincing, including a cameo by dean cain (the director's son) as slain mormon prophet joseph smith. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "september dawn" is a cautionary 6. it's a stirring western drama with a timely, pertinent message. susan granger's review of "rush hour 3" (new line cinema)     in its third incarnation, this once-amusing, east-west, globe-trotting franchise simply fizzles, particularly in comparison with "the bourne ultimatum."     when chinese ambassador han (tzi ma) and his now-20-year-old daughter soo yung (zhang jingchu) are in los angeles, he's shot in an assassination attempt just as he's about to publicly identify a gangland leader at the world criminal court. (these two asian characters appeared in the original "rush hour.")      in his capacity as han's bodyguard, inspector lee (jackie chan) pursues the culprit, only to discover that the hit man is kenji (hiroyuki sanada), a "brother" with whom he grew up in a chinese orphanage. kenji works with an international crime syndicate known as the triads, now based in france. teaming up, once again, with lapd detective carter (chris tucker), who has been demoted to traffic duty and witnessed lee's chase after kenji, the ever-bickering duo take off for paris, where most of the action takes place.     experienced "rush hour" screenwriter jeff nathanson and director brett ratner maintain the odd-couple, buddy-cop concept if not the momentum. the climactic acrobatic conflict is staged at night on the exposed beams high atop the eiffel tower.     despite their obvious camaraderie, jackie chan is aging, stunt-wise, and chris tucker's comedy has gone stale. newcomers on the scene are yves attal as a virulently anti-american taxi driver, julie depardieu as his parisian wife, noemie lenoir as the exotic and mysterious genevieve, and max von sydow as enigmatic reynard, head of the world criminal court.  director roman polanski appears in an uncredited cameo as a sadistic gallic police chief.  on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "rush hour 3" is a formulaic 5 - which probably will not discourage loyal fans from lining up at the box-office. susan granger's review of "daddy day camp" (sony pictures entertainment)     this lackluster sequel to "daddy day care" continues the dysfunctional family concept as charlie hinton (cuba gooding jr.) and his partner phil ryerson (paul rae) endeavor to launch a day camp, stepping into the hard-to-fill footprints of eddie murphy and jeff garlin, who starred in the original.     years ago, both men had traumatizing experiences as campers. charlie, in particular, suffered humiliation at the 1977 summer camp olympiad by a tormentor named lance warner (lochlyn munro), who now heads camp canola, a rich kids' spa with materialistic extravagances like four-wheelers, jet skis, etc. - plus waiters and valets.     so charlie and phil - with the best of intentions - buy uncle morty's (brian doyle-murphy) dilapidated camp driftwood, located across the lake from cushy camp canola. the site is a health-department disaster - with a serious methane problem lurking in the outhouse.     their campers are a predictably motley crew: the bully (tyger rawlings), the puker (talon ackerman), the cool girl (katie fisher), etc. and, of course, there's charlie's own eager-to-please son, ben (spencir bridges, real-life son of "diff'rent strokes" todd bridges), who eventually benefits from a cross-generational connection involving his father and authoritative grandfather, marine corps col. buck hinton (richard gant), who teaches everyone about teamwork and perseverance.     written by geoff rodkey ("daddy day care"), j. david stern and david n. weiss, and directed by former child star fred savage ("wonder years"), its plot is uncomfortably reminiscent of the "cheaper by the dozen" sequel and its humor derives from the campers' toilet and digestive tract and malfunctions, like vomiting, farting, bed-wetting, etc. it's potty humor - from beginning to end. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "daddy day camp" is a truly tedious 2 except, perhaps, for the matinee moppets with indulgent parents. susan granger's review of "becoming jane" (miramax films)     there's a strange déjà vu quality about this fictionalized biography of jane austen in that, if you're familiar with "pride and prejudice," you've seen the same story - better done - before.     set in late 18th century england, it's all about marrying off a rebellious young woman in an era of obedience and docility. "that girl needs a husband," declares her mother (julie walters) at the outset. but her father, rev. austen (james cromwell), realizes that finding a 'suitable' (i.e.: wealthy) one won't be easy. after all, jane's already rejected mr. wisley (laurence fox), the nephew of lady gresham (maggie smith).     "his fortune will not buy me," jane declares stubbornly - to which her mother observes, "affection is desirable but money is absolutely indispensable!"     instead, jane's smitten by a charming but penniless irish lawyer-in-training tom lefroy (james mcavoy), whose penchant for bare-knuckle boxing appalls his uncle and benefactor (ian richardson).     adapted as a vapid melodrama - without neither proper chronology nor a shred of originality or austen wit - by sarah williams and kevin hood from jon spence's biography, distractingly dimly photographed in ireland by eigil bryld and directed at a plodding, pedestrian pace by julian jarrold ("kinky boots"), it's very, very literary - and quite tedious. but that's not the fault of anne hathaway ("the princess diaries," "the devil wears prada"), who acquits herself admirably with veteran thespians maggie smith, julie walters, james cromwell and ian richardson - in his last screen role.     judging by this and renee zellweger's lackluster "miss potter," about writer beatrix potter, the lives of these lady writers in regency society fare far better on paper. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "becoming jane" is a bland 5. it's a stilted, stuffy costume drama masquerading as a chick flick. susan granger's review of "death at a funeral" (mgm release)     it's a most unusual funeral when the coffin is delivered with the wrong body inside of it - and that's just the beginning of this farce set in a small, bucolic town in england.     soft-spoken, dutiful daniel (matthew macfadyen), the underappreciated son, is handling all the arrangements for the funeral of his father. his brother robert (rupert graves), a successful novelist, flies in from new york and realizes that a terrible mistake has been made. meanwhile, daniel's wife jane (keeley hawes) is determined that robert take his newly widowed mother (jane asher) back to america, so that she can move with daniel into their new london flat.     cousin martha (daisy donovan) has brought along her flustered fiancé simon (alan tudyk) - who accidentally swallowed an lsd tablet instead of valium, the fault of her aspiring pharmacist brother, troy (kris marshall) - to introduce to her snobbish father (peter egan). martha's ex, justin (ewen bremmer), is there, along with a hypochondriac howard (andy nyman) and wheelchair-bound uncle alfie (peter vaughn).     there's the appearance of a mysterious mourner (peter dinklage) who arrives with a tawdry revelation about the deceased, complete with compromising photos - to the impatience of the vicar (thomas wheatley).     written by dean craig ("caffeine") and directed by frank oz ("bowfinger," "dirty rotten scoundrels,"), who was born in great britain before joining jim henson and becoming a famous muppeteer in america. it's an ensemble comedy that's stronger in exaggerated situational humor than its eccentric yet one-dimensional characterizations. best remembered as dashing mr. darcy opposite keira knightly in "pride and prejudice," matthew macfadyen transforms into diligently dowdy here. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "death at a funeral" is a silly, screwball 7 - for those who enjoy droll british humor. susan granger's review of "delirious" (peace arch films)     aimed at a hip, sophisticated audience, this satiric fable from independent filmmaker tom dicillo ("living in oblivion," "the real blonde") reveals the soft, subversive underbelly of contemporary celebrity and glitzy fame. dicillo wrote the leading role of the frustrated, insecure, self-absorbed paparazzo specifically for actor steve buscemi.     living in oblivious squalor in new york, garrulous les galatine (buscemi) befriends toby (michael pitt), a hunky, good-natured aspiring actor whom he teaches the 'stakeout' ropes ("im not paparazzi! i'm a licensed professional!") and allows to crash in his shabby, lower east side pad which doubles as office/living space.     at a soap stars against std convention, toby charms a sexy casting director (gina gershon) and launches an unlikely romance with a talentless teen sexpot named k'harma (alison lohman), who was ditched by her british boyfriend jace (richard short). surrounded by a couple of fawning assistants, k'harma is a wannabe singer who is famous for being famous - like paris/nichole/lindsay crossed with britney - even inveigling elvis costello to show up as one of her trendy party guests. while les feeds at the freebie buffet trough, stashes away gift bags and tries - in vain - to connect with his parents (doris belack, tom aldredge) in new jersey, toby gets his big break photographing a reality show featuring a homeless serial killer.     dicillo gleefully, yet surprisingly sympathetically, skewers the sycophantic entertainment press - from battling rival publicists to eccentric bottom-feeders. while young michael pitt ("dawson's creek") is disarming, steve buscemi delivers a career-defining performance - and they share the movie's most memorable moments. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "delirious" is a hilariously shallow, sleazy 7. it's one of those savvy, low-budget crowd-pleasers that arrive in local theaters only via film festivals like san sebastian and sundance. susan granger's review of "if i didn't care" (artistic license films)     homicide in the hamptons. it happens - all too frequently, it seems, in this low-budget noir/thriller that begins with a murder. who's the victim? who are the perpetrators?     the intriguing drama revolves around a philandering, duplicitous househusband, davis meyers (bill sage), whose career-propelled wife (noelle beck) commutes via the ubiquitous hampton jitney to manhattan, leaving him to hawk wishful real estate 'deals' on his cellphone and walk the beach with their basset hound, schmoozing with the local police investigator linus (roy scheider, channeling "columbo") who's also into walking his dog. while dawdling during the off-season at a local watering hole with an ambitious, available blonde, hadley (susie misner), davis and the dame cook up a plan to murder his wealthy wife - a sleazy scheme that goes tragically awry.     filmmaking brothers benjamin and orson cummings capture not only the picturesque setting of the exclusive long island resort community but also the paranoia of privileged people with far too much free time coupled with an acute awareness of the 'easy money' that's slipping through their hands. seizing the opportunity, they've utilized familiar hamptons landmarks (barrister's, shippy's, suki zuki) and enlisted the considerable talents local residents - roy scheider, noelle beck and ronald guttman - who artfully propel the predictably 'noir' plot to its all-too-abrupt conclusion. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "if i didn't care" is an unsettling, suspenseful 6.     as a side note,  the song "if i didn't care," which made the inkspots internationally famous, was the first solo music-and-lyrics effort of now-95 year-old jack lawrence, a resident of west redding, connecticut; his hit parade includes "tenderly," "sleepy lagoon," "linda," "beyond the sea," "all or nothing at all" and "what will i tell my heart?" susan granger's review of "stardust" (paramount pictures)     usually, this kind of sword 'n' sorcery fairy tale begins, "once upon a time," but this - being a pg-13 romantic fantasy - starts with a young man falling in love and its unexpected, unpredictable ramifications.     in the tiny british village of wall, young tristan (charlie cox) courts feckless victoria (sienna miller), hoping to win her heart by retrieving a fallen star. his quest takes him into stormhold, a fantastical parallel universe. it seems that when the star fell to earth, it transformed into a radiant young woman, yvaine (claire danes) - and tristan is not the only one after her. there's the evil witch, lamia (michelle pfeiffer), who needs to devour the heart of the star for eternal youth and beauty, and stormhold's rival princes (jason flemyng, rupert everett, among others) who covet the gemstone in the necklace worn by the star to claim the throne.     as tristan strives to protect the vulnerable star and bring her back as a birthday gift for victoria, he encounters, among others, the fearsome airborne pirate, captain shakespeare (robert deniro), and an unscrupulous mechant known as ferdy the fence (ricky gervais).     written by novelist jane goldman with director matthew vaughn ("layer cake"), it's a supernatural coming-of-age saga based on the visionary graphic novel by neil gaiman and charles vess. in tone, it's quite reminiscent of "the princess bride." in addition to curses, enchantments, runes, talismans, ghosts, witches and babylon candles, there's a unicorn and the screen's funniest buccaneer-in-drag. but the heavy-handed humor is sometimes problematic.     filmed in rustic iceland and scotland's isle of skye, it's visually sumptuous, combining realism with fantasy. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "stardust" is an enchanting 8. it's this summer's playful 'date movie,' culminating in a glowing "happily ever after." susan granger's review of "bratz" (lionsgate films)     if barbie had ever made the transition to the big screen, i'd like to think she'd have done it with more class than this live-action feature based on the popular fashion floozies.     as the 'tweener' story goes, yasmin (nathalia ramos), jade (janel parrish), sasha (logan browning) and cloe (skyler shaye) are "bff" - best friends forever. inseparable, they've always supported each other but now they're faced with the new social scene at carry nation high. (the school name must be some kind of an inside joke because the real carrie nation (1846-1911), a staunch member of the temperance movement, battling against alcohol in pre-prohibition days, was a large woman - nearly six feet tall and weighing 175 pounds - definitely not bratz chic.)     anyway, the quartet is appalled by the peer pressure exerted by the insidious clique culture, as enforced by meredith baxter dimly (chelsea staub), whose father is the uptight principal (jon voight). according to the press notes, they learn "how true empowerment means standing up for your friends, being true to oneself and living out one's dreams and aspirations." hah!     in the less-than-capable hands of screenwriters susan estelle jansen ("the lizzie mcguire movie"), adam de la pena and david eilenberg and director sean mcnamara, it's really an incoherent paean to mall materialism, cloaked in ethnic diversity, lifting liberally from "mean girls," "election," "clueless" and "raise your voice" - although the inclusion of a mariachi band at the breakfast table, along with laine kazan, is an original touch.     yet the message is definitely mixed - like, while it's great to be athletic, it's even better in stiletto heels. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "bratz" is an "awesomely" tacky 2. and since when did high school freshmen start to look like college seniors? susan granger's review of "hot rod" (paramount pictures)     there have been many memorable on-screen daredevils - like burt reynolds in "hooper" (1978), directed by former stuntman hal needham, and peter o'toole as a demented filmmaker in "the stunt man" (1980) - but andy samberg isn't one of them.     totally clueless, self-proclaimed 'stuntman' rod kimble (samberg) believes he's the son of evel knievel's test-rider - and he's committed to fulfilling his late father's legacy. problem is: he's inept. a slacker, he lives at home with long-suffering mom marie (sissy spacek) and abusive stepfather frank (ian mcshane).     rod's loyal team consists of dave (bill hader), the moped mechanic; rico (danny mcbride), the ramp builder; and half-brother kevin (jorma taccone), the videographer; and neighbor denise (isla fisher), rod's love interest. when ornery frank needs $50,000 for heart transplant surgery, they band together to help rod stage a spectacular, death-defying jump over a fleet of 15 buses, one more than evel knievel ever attempted.     working from a sketchy script by pam brady and directed by akiva schaffer, andy samberg, a veteran of "saturday night live" digital shorts, depends far too much on the unreliable factors of slapstick, stupidity and a soundtrack of cuts from the heavy-metal band europe.  with his cool demeanor and engaging grin, samberg deserves more support; despite this debacle, he has a promising future.     as for the highly-touted leap, forget it. cinematographer andrew dunn and editor malcolm campbell utilize only close-ups and reaction shots. the best 'stunts' are the 'falling-down-a-mountain' training sequence and climactic fight between rod and frank.     on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "hot rod" is a silly, sputtering 2, a goofball comedy gone gooey. look for the funniest sequence - the "cool beans" rap - on youtube since the "stuntman forever" short, an outtakes movie-within-a-movie, is already online. susan granger's review of "i know who killed me" (sony/tri-star pictures)     it's impossible to separate gossip from film criticism when a talented young star like lindsay lohan sabotages her promising career not only with highly publicized substance abuse but also by choosing to make a morbid, unmitigated on-screen disaster like this.     aubrey fleming (lohan) is an aspiring writer and gifted pianist who inexplicably vanishes on a date with her boyfriend, the new salem quarterback, jerrod pointer (brian geragthy), and a couple of girlfriends, leaving her worried parents (julia ormond, neal mcdonough) thoroughly bewildered.     weeks later, she turns up, blood-soaked, on the side of a country road, minus a hand and parts of a leg after escaping from captivity by a sadistic madman. her amputations seem to match others maimed by a certain serial killer who has been targeted by the area police and fbi agents. but she can't remember anything and insists she's dakota moss, a tough-talking, pole-dancing stripper - or could she be aubrey's long-lost twin sister since they share the same dna?     while indie director chris silverton ("the lost") demonstrates a modicum of visual style, despite several grotesquely ludicrous and violent torture sequences, his effort and john r. leonetti's hi-def cinematography are totally torpedoed by newbie scripter jeffrey hammond's exploitive, incomprehensible plot and joel mcneely's deafening score.     but what's most tragic is the willful self-destruction of lindsay lohan, the once-promising disney moppet from "the parent trap," who, more recently, delivered memorable coming-of-age performances in "a prairie home companion" and "bobby." in one scene, she actually looks so haggard that it's difficult to believe she just turned 21 years old. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "i know who killed me" is barely a trashy, incompetent 1 - as in one of the worst movies of the year. susan granger's review of "the bourne ultimatum" (universal pictures)     based on the third of the spy novel series by the late robert ludlum, this concludes the action-adventure trilogy of "the bourne identity" (2002) and "the bourne supremacy" (2004).     after his cover is blown by a london newspaper reporter (paddy considine), rogue cia agent jason bourne (matt damon) once again becomes the prime target of the top-secret government agency that trained him as an assassin. with nothing left to lose, the amnesiac bourne relentlessly seeks those responsible for turning him into a brutal killing machine, flying to and from london, madrid, tangier, paris, moscow and, finally, to new york city. all on a fake passport, carrying no luggage, evading detection and never suffering those annoying airport flight delays. amazing!     cia director, ezra kramer (scott glenn), and chief of the black-ops program known as blackbriar, noah vosen (david strathairn), are determined to rid themselves of this $30-million malfunctioning threat named bourne - 'to take him out' this time - to the chagrin of cia internal investigator pamela landy (joan allen). and bourne has another ally: disillusioned cia operative nicky parsons (julia stiles), who joins him on the run.     working from the screenplay by tony gilroy, scott z. burns and george nolfi, british director paul greengrass ("the bourne supremacy," "united 93") has obviously mastered the intricate plot twists, action choreography and terrific chase sequences - one through manhattan - which characterize these 'they can't stop me!' capers.     cinematographer oliver wood creates spectacular shots, edited by christopher rouse to composer john powell's pulsating score. is it formulaic? yes - and the formula works. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the bourne ultimatum" is an escapist 8, perhaps the strongest in the espionage series. but is it really the end? don't bet on it. susan granger's review of "the simpson movie" (20th century-fox)    so the lights go down and homer simpson says, "i can't believe we're paying to see something we could see at home on tv for free. everyone in this theater is a big sucker!"     what's it all about? well, let's see.despite grandpa's ominous warning, homer falls in love with a pig, dares son bart to skateboard naked through town, ignores environmental pleas from daughter lisa and wife marge's disapproval and becomes a prime polluter, potentially dooming his hometown of springfield, located somewhere near ohio, nevada, kentucky and maine. meanwhile, lisa falls in love with an irish boy named colin and baby maggie says her first word. (nah, i'm not going to tell you what it is.) and somewhere towards the end, homer has an epiphany (look it up) with an inuit in alaska.     after 18 television seasons and 400 episodes, america's most irreverent dysfunctional family has finally made it to the big screen - and, yes, it's worth the price of admission.     amusement comes in many forms, beginning with ralph wiggum standing on the 20th century fox logo singing along with the company fanfare and continuing through arnold schwarzenegger as president of the united states: "i'm here to lead, not to read."     director david silverman and his gang of writers make the most of the vocal talent - dan castellaneta, julie kavner, nancy cartwright and yeardley smith, as the family and various neighbors, along with characters created by hank azaria, henry shearer, pamela hayden, tress macneille, plus cameos by albert brooks and tom hanks. while it drags a bit in spots, they're few and far-between. mostly, it's really funny. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "the simpsons" is a cleverly conceived, subversive 9, certainly the best simpsons movie - so far. susan granger's review of "arctic tale" (paramount classics/national geographic)     venturing into "march of the penguins" territory - on the opposite tip of the globe - this epic nature documentary follows the parallel stories of a polar bear cub, nanu, and walrus pup, seela, from birth through adolescence to maturity and parenthood in the frozen arctic wilderness.     from the moment curious nanu crawls out of her sheltering snow cave, she's surrounded by a vast kingdom of astonishing cold, an unforgiving landscape where she and her brother must learn - from their mother - the skills necessary to survive.     after seela's birth in the blue watery depths, her greatest challenge is learning to use her flippers to haul herself up on an ice floe so she won't die. she's attended not only by her mother but also by another female, a vigilant "auntie," who protectively flank her.     they're joined by tiny white foxes, skittish ring seals, thick-billed murres that fly not only through the sky but also the ocean, watchful gulls and mysterious narwhals, the "unicorns" of the north pole. for these arctic creatures, dangers abound, particularly climate change. only the strongest will survive now that their crystalline habitat is rapidly melting.         for the past 15 years, the filmmaking husband-and-wife team adam ravetch and sarah robertson have painstakingly photographed 800 hours of footage, expertly edited by beth spiegel to serve a profoundly disturbing environmental warning tale by linda wolverton, moses richards and kristin gore (filially connected to "an inconvenient truth") and narrated by queen latifah, whose cloying anthropomorphizing oozes treacle. discordant notes also emanate from the often distracting sound track, slipping into sister sledge's "we are family" as a walrus herd experiences communal indigestion.      on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "arctic tale" is an astonishing, adventurous 8, notably for its spectacular photography. susan granger's review of "goya's ghosts" (samuel goldwyn)     in late18th century spain, a roman catholic cleric, brother lorenzo (javier bardem), serves as an agent of the inquisitor general (michael lonsdale). their target is the painter francisco goya (stellan skarsgard), who is working on a portrait of ines (natalie portman), the beautiful daughter of a wealthy merchant. because ines refuses to eat pork, they suspect that there's jewish blood in her ancestry. as a result, she is tortured and imprisoned in the church's dungeon, where lorenzo rapes her - after which, over dinner, he assures her father, tomas bilbatua (jose luis gomez), that if ines truly loved god, she would never sign a false confession.     fifteen years later, the invading french army vanquishes the inquisition. lorenzo has become napoleon's prosecutor. it's sheer melodrama as the now-insane ines tells him that she bore him a daughter whom lorenzo discovers has become a prostitute (portman - in a dual role).     veteran czech-born director milos forman ("valmont," "amadeus," "one flew over the cuckoo's nest") has assembled an international cast, resulting in a polyglot of incomprehensible accents. to cast very swedish stellan skarsgard as very spanish goya was a serious error. and randy quaid turns up as the violin-playing, dimwitted king carlos iv with queen maria luisa (blanca portillo) painted by goya.     collaborating on the soap opera-like political satire with jean-claude carriere doesn't help. their sketchy script is awkward and stilted - with many vignettes revolving around "being put to the question," a euphemism for torture - along with the assertion that, under duress, people will confess to anything. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "goya's ghosts" is a grotesque 4, completely lacking in emotional focus. anytime you emerge from the theater praising the scenery more than the scenes, there's a problem with the picture. susan granger's review of "no reservations" (warner bros.)     "i wish there was a cookbook for life," muses temperamental chef kate (catherine zeta-jones), as the precise complications of creating magnifique haute cuisine pale in comparison with the dilemma of nurturing her 10 year-old, recently orphaned niece zoe (abigail breslin).     while neurotic kate's been seeing - or, rather, feeding - a therapist (bob balaban), refusing to discuss her control issues, when the owner (patricia clarkson) of her greenwich village restaurant, 22 bleecker street, brings in a scruffy, gregarious but strong-willed new sous-chef, nick (aaron eckhart), she's thoroughly steamed.     kate's palate is strictly french - her signature dish is quail in saffron truffle sauce - while nick's culinary taste is italian, his tasty pasta accented in its preparation by classical opera.     as kate flounders before finding a recipe for happiness, she discovers that if you mix in traumas and tears with some poignant moments - and a touch of sexual tension - cooking can not only be fun but it can also heal broken hearts.     although their roles are a bit undercooked (a.k.a. underwritten), catherine zeta-jones' icy, emotionless perfectionism gradually and subtly melts as she heats up some affectionate warmth, while aaron eckhart keeps his carefree earthiness from turning into a romantic leading man cliché. and abigail breslin ("little miss sunshine") delivers a touching portrayal of a grieving child, seeking solace where she can find it.     a remake of the 2001 german import "mostly martha," it's been predictably americanized by screenwriter carol fuchs and director scott hicks ("shine"), who co-owns a vineyard in australia with his producer wife kerry heysen; note his yacca paddock label. on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10, "no reservations" is a slyly sensual, succulent 7, a deliciously delectable froth in which food is the metaphor for love and life.

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