welcome to travel trade gazette online uk & ireland edition
welcome to travel trade gazette online uk & ireland edition
tuesday, november 13, 2007
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advise your customers before they go abroad
that’s me!
name: neil herbert
job: managing director. holidaytaxis.com also director of the institute of travel & tourism
lives: rural kent countryside
marital status: divorced
kids: 3 (2 boys, 1 girl)
loves: music (especially reggae, r & b, soul, jazz, blues), rugby, ski-ing, ballet, cooking, halle berry, dancing, writing (novels), hagen daas cookie dough ice cream, reading and relaxing.
hates: ignorance, racism, the m25, country & western, smug politicians, reality tv shows, marzipan, z-list celebrities, the high cost of abta conferences, arrogance and airport check-in queues.
neil co-hosted the holiday taxis’ vip ski trip to avoriaz. here is what he will be giving the guests next year.
wednesday - january 31, 2007
john welsh – a pair of luminous pink skis – so he can find them, wherever he leaves them!
paul stanyer – 200 bensons – to stop him smoking other peoples!
helen talbot – a david ginola look-alike ski instructor, with snake hips and snake charm to go with it!
elain seeto – a bottle of vodka caramel in a hip flask, so that she doesn’t have to wait until dark to get her favourite tipple!
brian young – a ski hat that makes him look less like heidi and a swear box!
angus chisolm – a specially designed ski back pack with an over shoulder tube attached to an integrated barrel of red wine!
sheena darby (or deena, to her close friends) – a bravery award for ski-ing with damian but not taking it laying down!
bill allen – a rabbit fur lined jock strap to match his hat and keep him warm in all the right places (and all the left places too!)
quentin boyd – a brand new yellow ski jacket to match his trousers, to ensure that we always take the correct lift and never mistake him for anyone else!
steve endacott – a cow bell to go round his neck so that we can hear him coming!
tom dunkley – branded lip salve/sun cream combo’s with clear instructions for paul, as to which end is the sun cream!
kevin ivie – a new pair of the latest ‘fold-up’ skis that fit into his hand luggage, to stop him being charged for excess baggage!
john hays – a specially recorded rendition from the whole team of ‘hay, hay haysey, ooh aah, i wanna know if you’ll be my girl’
steve campion – advanced ski lessons, as he has already skipped the necessity for intermediate lessons!
damian mcdonagh – a copy of his birth certificate to confirm his parentage, which was questioned by steve c constantly on the way down the stade run!
dominic speakman – english bacon and heinz tomato ketchup for those early morning and late night sarnies, just like his grandmas!
antony martin – french horn playing lessons, so that on his sponsored dinner, he can join in with the accordionist on a rendition of ‘i used to work in chicago in an old department store’ – a lady came in for a trumpet, trumpet she wanted, the horn she got!
and finally……..me – well all i want is, a set of spoons for those spontaneous musical moments, a sense of direction or a set of skis with sat nav and the hawaiian tropic girls bikini ski team to top what was the best birthday ever with old friends and new!
have a great day, a successful and profitable year - l'italia qui usciamo, osserviamo! (italy watch out, here we come!)
kind regards,
neil
more footie from neil
november 2007
“the annual travel agent vs suppliers football match at abta 2006 in marbella provided entertainment, on what can only be described as ‘another level’. generally speaking, one would expect entertainment on the football pitch to provide the spectator with an opportunity to revel in an extravaganza of flair, skill and silky smooth ball control, in this instance it was very different. 22 sweaty, overweight, smoking, drinking thirty and fortysomethings, trying to re-live their youth and re-invent a footballing career that never was.
professional footballers they were not, committed they definitely were. commitment was a word that could aptly be used when describing the early tackles of mark hopper from click with technology, in fact early signs showed that he was committed to breaking a few legs with a number of ill timed two footed challenges on members of the travel agents team! mark just put it down to “lacking the speed he once had” when he once captained the sunderland under 12’s.
there were a number of flair players on the pitch, described as such because most of them were now so unfit that running was not in their vocabulary. paul riches from youtravel.com showed a few classy moves and deft touches, but alas, when asked to actually move from the static position that he had taken up in midfield, the legs just weren’t up to it and red faced he responded “ cor blimey guv, you’re ‘avin a giraffe ain’t ya”.
the travel agent team started well enough with damian mcdonagh of holidaytaxis.com showing why he was once on the books at chelsea (when i say, on the books, he was actually a librarian in the chelsea public library). however, when lawrence assock, the team manager, appeared for about ten minutes for the travel agent team, he proved to be as useful as a one legged man in a bum kicking competition and left the field to return to the touchline, where he belonged. however, once the golf competition was over and the likes of angus chisholm of c & m and greg mould of premier travel arrived, the travel agent team looked briefly to move up a gear.
the suppliers team, superior in every department, continued to have most of the play and a majority of the chances and had it not been for the travel agents goalkeeper, the agents could have found themselves 6 or 7 nil down. the final score, 3-1 to the suppliers, aided by a cameo appearance from tom king (when i say a cameo appearance, i don’t mean he did an impression of an 80’s funk sensation and wore a red pvc jock strap, although the red boots were certainly his best attribute) who scored a goal reminiscent of geoff hurst in the 1966 world cup final, it was reminiscent because overheard in the dressing room “tom king, i thought his career was all over, well it is now!”
a fair result for a fair game. some very dubious refereeing decisions. a lot of gasping, puffing and panting and that was from steve endacott on the touchline, who couldn’t stop shouting and jumping up and down in his usual, larger than life style. john cager of blue insurance ended up with a broken nose, james moore from affordable car hire played on despite blood running down his face in a terry butcher tribute and neil herbert from holiday taxis ended up with fractured ribs, who says there’s no competition in the travel industry.
here’s to abta 2007, when the suppliers team will undoubtedly show their form again and continue their fifteen year winning streak, the agents team will again spend the ensuing months making excuses and blaming everyone else for their defeat. the ultimate winners on the day ….everyone. a great day, friendly rivalry, excellent banter and a spectacle that was as much to do with sport as snooker, darts and synchronised swimming.
have you got any comments? email them to ttgeditors@cmpi.biz.
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