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411mania » wrestling » tv reports
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the impact crater 11.08.07
posted by ryan byers on 11.08.2007
the matches continue to fire on all cylinders while the angles continue to be as far from compelling as possible.
quick & dirty results
segment #1: christian & frankie kazarian went to a no contest in the finals of the fight for your right (to parrrrrrty!) tournament
segment #2: gail kim def. alex thatcher
segment #3: the dudley boys def. abyss & jay lethal
segment #4: scott steiner def. aj styles in a "collegiate takedown challenge"
segment #5: sting, eric young, & samoa joe def. kurt angle, bobby roode, & james storm
segment #6: sting/kevin nash/kurt angle/scott hall interview segment
the main stuff
angle numero uno: comedy of errors
apparently tna's writers are on strike, because the promotion has started to recycle scripts. come to think of it, their writers must have gone on strike early, because tna has been running the exact same show for weeks now. it goes a little something like this:
1.) kurt angle and kevin nash have an issue with another wrestler.
2.) kurt angle and kevin nash yell at each other.
3.) karen angle yells at kurt angle and kevin nash.
4.) karen declares that kurt and kevin are incapable of resolving the issue with the other wrestler, so she leaves to "take care of business."
5.) karen's plan for "taking care of business" involves attempting to seduce the other wrestler.
6.) the other wrestler rejects karen's advances, and thus she fails to "take care of business."
7.) kurt, karen, and kevin scream at each other some more.
8.) i mute my tv until kurt, karen, and kevin are no longer on it.
i swear that this has happened on at least 75% of the impacts that have aired in the last three months. it's the very definition of lazy writing.
tonight, the wrestler with whom kurt and kevin had an issue was scott hall. last week, it was announced that hall will be sting's mystery partner for the pay per view, and this week the entire show was based around an in-ring confrontation between nash and hall. well, it turns out that the "confrontation" went a little something like this:
"hey yo, we're still friends, chico."
"yeah, i know we're friends, scott."
"oh, i'm not the partner, mang."
seriously, that was the whole thing. tna wasted two hours of television time building up to that?! not only is it anti-climatic, but i also fail to see how it sets up anything for the pay per view. it doesn't further the rivalry between sting and kurt angle. it doesn't make it look like sting is more capable of walking out of the ppv with the title. it doesn't make it look like nash is more capable of walking out of the ppv with the title. it doesn't further the rivalry between kevin nash and kurt angle. if anything, the issue between those two wrestlers was completely forgotten on this episode, as they went back to acting exactly as they did before nash powerbombed the olympic gold medalist. this is one of the problems with creating a wrestling promotion in which none of the teams get along. when a group finally does do its breakup, nobody is capable of telling that anything has changed.
so, because they've apparently scrapped the nash/angle feud and completely ignored the angle/sting feud, it looks like the only thing that tna is using to sell this genesis show is the identity of the mystery partner. maybe i'm crazy, and maybe i'll be proven wrong when the buyrate ultimately comes back, but this strikes me as being a terrible idea. can anybody give me one situation in wrestling history in which promoting an appearance by a mystery man significantly increased business for a promotion without that appearance being a part of a hot feud? i certainly cannot think of such a situation, and tna is taking a big risk by assuming that genesis will be the first time that this happens. here we have yet another example of the powers that be in dixieland having literally centuries of successful pro wrestling booking to draw upon for their promotion and completely ignoring it. that's why the company has yet to turn a profit, and that's why it is so frustrating to watch.
angle numero dos: kaz climbs the ladder . . . or does he?
tonight it looked like we were going to see the end of the tournament for the number one contendership, but, when interference by christian's lackeys cost frankie kazarian the match, the result was thrown out by matt morgan. (yes, for the second week running, matt morgan has the authority to make matches with no explanation being given.) big matt signed the two men for a rematch at the pay per view with the title shot on the line, this time in a ladder match.
i pointed this out last week in my closing comments, and i'm going to say it one more time: the wrestling in tna these days is great, but, despite the quality matches, the booking leaves me immensely frustrated with the show. this tournament has received a significant amount of tv time ever since the last pay per view, which leaves me with the impression that tna expects it to be a big deal, something that will actually get fans to care about the product. yet, at the same time they're sending this message, they're giving viewers very little time to get excited about the final match in the tournament and potentially buy the pay per view to see it. instead of just announcing two weeks ago that the tournament finals would be on the ppv, the company had to do a match this week, have it end in a no contest, and then put the rematch on genesis. why bother setting things up this way? the only thing that it accomplishes is reducing the amount of time that they have to shoot angles for the ppv match and make sure that fans are emotionally invested in it. hell, if you were a big frankie kazarian fan or a big christian fan and just happened to miss the first twenty minutes of this show (or missed the episode altogether), you would have no way of knowing that your favorite wrestler was doing something fairly major at the next ppv. that is yet another reason why this promotion repeatedly lags behind wwe in the percentage of free television viewers that are converted in to ppv purchasers. you can't throw together what you think is a big match three days before the pay per view and expect people to magically get interested enough to buy the show. these things take time, and it's time that tna has repeatedly denied major matches by doing these inane tournaments that run directly from the impact after a ppv to the impact before the next ppv.
angle numero tres: the phrase "amateur hour" never seemed so appropriate
i know you'll all be shocked, but i can't say that i was enthralled by the aj styles/scott steiner segment this evening. i don't know how it was supposed to get anybody interested in watching the steiners challenge for the tag titles at genesis. first of all, scotty completely buried styles on the microphone with aj not having the opportunity to make any serious rebuttal. then, even though aj cheated, steiner easily and decisively beat him in the amateur contest that they head. finally, even after tomko ran in, the steiners easily and decisively dispatched the champions, barely even breaking a sweat. the message was repeatedly sent that the steiners are better than the champions, which means that the steiners should have no problem grabbing the gold. so much for intrigue, so much for suspense, and so much for booking a title match to make fans believe that either team involved could win.
oh, and somebody needs to teach the referee from the styles/steiner match tonight that pro wrestling suplexes and amateur wrestling takedowns are not the same thing.
and the rest . . .
~ god, the audience was so obnoxious tonight. i heard a "this is awesome!" chant while d-von dudley was standing over a fallen jay lethal, and there were several other completely inappropriate chants going. i wanted to strangle every one of them. that would be awesome.
~ for those of you who want the skinny on the "alexa jade" that wrestled gail kim this evening, she regularly works under the name alexa thatcher. she's relatively new to the wrestling business but has been getting good reviews. she primarily works on the new jersey independent circuit and has also appeared for shimmer.
~ i'm fine with the bit that they did this evening to set up the women's title match. it was nothing complex, but it got all of the competitors out there and showed a bit of what they can do in the ring. it was the perfect little angle for an undercard match that probably won't sell to many pay per views no matter how you promote it.
~ jay lethal's elbow drop still sucks.
~ the finish to the lethal tag match was an overbooked mess, as there were constant cuts between the abyss/chocolate reign brawl and the dudleys' attempted beatdown on the x division champ. it's good to know that tna's expansion to two hours hasn't completely prevented them from exercising their old booking philosophy of cramming as much needless shit as possible in to a small time frame.
~ it's also great to see that after a brutal bladejob and an absolutely wild brawl last week, tna did absolutely nothing to follow up on the bobby roode/samoa joe feud aside form having them exchange love taps in a meaningless six man tag. if i were joe and i spilled that much blood only for it to be completely ignored seven days later, i'd be pissed.
overall
i think that it's fairly evident how i felt about this week's show. normally i don't mind watching tna because, even though it's bad wrestling programming, it can be enjoyable to see to what depths it will sink. however, this week i had a very long day and didn't want to watch any television when i came home, much less poorly written wrestling. that may have lead to me being a little bit more harsh on the program than i would have been otherwise, but i doubt that, no matter what the extenuating circumstances, i would've called this impact anything better than wretched. we did get two very good free tv matches in the form of the opener and the six man, but the fact of the matter is that, in 2007, thirty minutes of solid in-ring action on a two hour long show isn't enough to get a thumbs up from me. there need to be logical and compelling storylines to compliment the grappling, and those storylines are what tna has been missing since this time last year.
reader feedback
let's kick it off with isaac, who wants to give me another reason to hate impact:
first off, thanks for the crater. always insightful and intelligent, plus it saves me having to sit through 2 hours of impact each week. (1 hour was more than enough for me, thanks.) now don't get me wrong, i like tna well enough, or i did 2 years ago anyway, but impact sucks week to week and you know it.
so on to the point – i discovered something this week while watching that is going to ruin impact for me forever – don west's breathing. mr. west, is over the top super-excited about everything and seems like he's perpetually on the verge of a heart attack as you well know. but listen closely, after almost every phrase he says (yells), you can audibly hear him inhale. a deep scratchy inhale, that once i caught on to, pretty much ruined everything he had to say. djs, announcers, news guys and singers are all trained as far as i know to be aware of their "inhaling noise" between sentences and suppress it, or breathe differently (i.e. quietly, so the mic doesn't pick it up) don west sucks at it, to the point where once i noticed, i can't think of his announcing as anything but unprofessional and annoying.
it seems like i'm nitpicking, but honestly listen in to that continuous guttural, raspy inhaling noise and you'll want to send the guy a respirator or flip the channel
yes, that's exactly what i needed . . . one more reason to be annoyed with this show. thank you, isaac.
and, hey, it's john r. surprising, i know.
i came home just in time to catch the second hour. three great matches, not too much fluff (although the angle interrogation stuff was a bit much) using their up and coming stars in the main event matches, and a tag match that was one of the best for free tv all year. i'm thinking, "man this was a good show." i could even live with the whole scott hall announcement at the end….
…but then i saw the first hour. wtf was that crap? first of all, how do you job out james storm, one of your supposed up-and-comers in tna, in two minutes?! give me a break! we all know he's getting whipped by cage next week, but at the very least they could've given these guys more time to go, in a tournament that is going to determine the top contender for the world title? then he's out there drinking with eric young? again,wtf? he should've been pissed off to the point of no return. now they have nowhere for him to go. way to go tna.
….ok, the angle comedy crap has got to go. it was cute and all in wwe, but here he needs to act like a world champ. you wouldn't see orton or hhh crying like a b*tch wouldn't you? no! i'm sick of this switching up by the supposed world champ. he's not funny, and it does nothing to get people interested in the genesis match. it leads to no buys, and i can't even imagine anyone taking this angle for the world title seriously. i have no real reason to buy into this main event and the ppv is only a couple of weeks away. we all know scott hall or whomever sting's partner is will turn on him the first chance they get.
….also, the team 3d-xdivison rivalry seemed to have a little bit more of a buildup this week, but it's going to take a heck of a match at genesis to make me believe the mcmg's aren't completely buried. i just think that tna doesn't have to go overboard with their buildups. for example, why have all the x-division wrestlers out there? it would've made more sense to just have the mcmg's attack on their own. this way it builds up their credibility that they don't need anyone's help to defeat team 3d.
…. i do like the amazing kong angle, even though she isn't in the ppv. it stretches things out a bit so that gail kim doesn't have a short reign. she'll probably have something to do with the genesis event, but it will also give them a chance to highlight more of the women, even though my new favorite talia madison isn't in it.
…impact appeared to be two separate shows, and i think i understand why. for starters, they are using the second hour for more wrestling and less talk. as for the first hour, if they need to have some dialogue, then at least neuter it down to the point where it seems they aren't overacting.
keep up the great work, rb.
i don't have that much to say in response to john this week since a.) he's mostly right and b.) i just want to go to bed. however, i figured i'd still give him the space to voice his opinions since he's such a loyal reader and writer.
with that i'm going to call it a night. for those of you who want to read more of my writing, check out the myspace blog, which i updated earlier this week with some more reader feedback in which i discuss wrestling books, erich bischoff, johnny ace, and much more.
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--- more articles by ryan byers --- medium season 3 dvd review
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