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serious fix 4.1 serious fix 4.1 because the fucking rest of the web sucks. world film premiere: the hunted by tss | november 7, 2007 - 8:27 pm posted in category: the colossus of comedy folks, on wednesday, november 14th … at the hour of 7pm … me and a wonderful cast and crew will be at the world premiere of the hunted. the hunted is a film about a team of paranormal investigators that end up … there will be 16 films shown on this night. there will be 16 talented teams of people premiering their films. i am asking that you come to this festival and enjoy yourselves. you will love the hunted. five day film festsival, the hunted, mccc science center, 40 dekalb pike, blue bell pa 1942 you can find out more at the links below: montgomery community college : five day film festival : william “humbajoe” capehart (be the first to comment) dirty diamond’s southern tour: chapter 2 by tss | november 1, 2007 - 8:00 pm posted in category: sleazy e from the keyboard of sleazy e here’s chapter 2… gig # 2: voodoo lounge in san antonio, tx when we checked into our hotel, we ran into problems right from the start. the microwave and fridge that we were supposed to get were unavailable. granted we had no use for these things, but that’s not the point. what if we got a late night craving and there was no waffle house around? what if there was, but we ordered more than we could eat? where would we put the leftovers? what if we ran out of ice for the cooler filled with hooker parts that i purposely left out of the list of things we brought with us when we left? (forget about that last thing) moving on. we met up with our opening act that was touring with us, but had to ride in separate vehicles due to the fact that they are annoying, the nitty gritty. a suburban white boy rap group who are often mistaken for people who take their craft seriously. with them was also jimmy t, our texas liaison, whom had booked the show and the film crew that was documenting the tour for a movie that will no doubt be snubbed by hollywood at the academy awards. mainstream media hasn’t evolved to a level that can handle the volumes of awesome that are delivered at a dirty diamond show. we told them we would meet them at a local restaurant, and purposely waited until they finished eating before arriving. from there we strolled the down town area getting some footage. jimmy t, being of mexican decent, showed us the raw under belly of the city. parts that normally would be off limits to a bunch of gringos like ourselves… but not today. today we were honorary members of the tex-mex community and were granted passage into this proud secret society. we were even taught the proper way to salute their flag incase we were separated from our guide and scooped up by one of the fascist cartels that patrol the streets to keep the white diablo out of this guerilla ruled territory. our crash course was interrupted by a high speed chase that ended with a low-rider pick-up truck colliding with a trolley, missing dirty diamond by mere inches. that would have to be enough. the carnage in the streets had drawn the attention of the locals, and we couldn’t risk our cover. wasting no time, dirty diamond used his new found immunity and asked jimmy t to teach him how to order the frozen treats, that a man was selling on the street corner, in spanish. after he did, he ordered one, told the man it tasted like shit, and threw it away. from there we walked over to the alamo. i’d heard a lot about it over the years, but had never seen it. we walked through and took in the sites… if you can call them sites. there really isn’t anything to it. we decided to get some footage anyway, until a man dressed as dudley doright came over and told us we couldn’t film without the permission of the director. the director of the film said he didn’t mind. dudley obviously had no sense of humor and said, “the director of the alamo.” maybe it was just more of that “northern humor” and that’s why he wasn’t amused. anyway, we stopped rolling, and began talking amongst ourselves. i asked why so many people fought and died to defend a busted up shit shack like that, and apparently dudley was still standing behind me. again, he wasn’t amused by our “northern humor.” and asked me to leave. when dirty diamond asked if the tiny holes in the walls were mexican glory holes, he too was shown the door… or lack there of. oh by the way, they probably would have been able to defend the place better if it had a fucking door. fyi. just incase it gets attacked again. we walked out with our heads held high, knowing that our broken bell attraction back home in philadelphia was far superior to the broken down tool shed they had to offer. as we headed back to our hotel we debated the weather. it was like an oven. temps in the 90’s. diamond seemed to think it was ok because it was a dry heat. he said because of that, the sweat dries right away. i told him that it doesn’t matter how fast the sweat dries. if it’s in the 90’s, more sweat will take it’s place right away. he failed to see the logic. he usually does. when we got back to the hotel we got cleaned up, gathered our things that we would need for the show and went out for a bite at waffle house before we took the stage. we sat down, ordered food and then realized we had to be at the venue for a sound check in 20 mins. we had never been late to a gig in our entire awesome career, and we weren’t about to blemish our perfect record. our options were limited. we got up and ran out without paying after ordering enough food to feed a small country. we probably had enough time to pay the check and get to the venue since it was only 4 blocks away, but we didn’t want to take any chances. in our line of work, punctuality is very important. when we arrived at the venue things finally started looking up. a cool dingy out of the way rock venue that looked like the kind of place that could appreciate our craft. more importantly, they had pabst blue ribbon and it was only a dollar. we got our first round, and set up our merch for the legions of dirty diamond fans to buy. the sound guy showed up late, but we didn’t mind. the male to female ratio was definitely in our favor. there was enough wool in the room to knit a sweater. we worked the room and let them know that a few of them might be permitted to come back to our hotel room after the show for the right price. when the sound guy eventually made an appearance, he had made it clear that he was new at doing sound. the most obvious hint was that he didn’t realize that he would need a sound system. a rotund fellow who fancied himself a dj, he showed up with a book of cds and two cd players. what he was lacking was a sound system to hook everything into. this wouldn’t have been a problem since nobody wanted to hear him anyway, but unfortunately they did want to hear us. luckily, diamond & i are always prepared to deal with the inept beings that litter this planet and are allowed to roam freely in society. we assumed we would run into many of his ilk, doing a southern tour, and brought our own sound system. a few quick connections later, and the venue was wired for sound, and nitty gritty took the stage, or lack there of. i don’t know how it’s even possible, but every time nitty gritty books us to do a show, the venue doesn’t have a stage. they call us, ask if we want to do a show with them, and when we say yes they inform us that we are the headliner. when we arrive, there’s usually something on the floor marking out where a stage is will someday be. that, or a large rectangle shaped person was recently killed there. since we are true professionals, we went ahead and made the best of it. diamond checked his wireless mic, and i asked the sound guy for a mic for me to use. he handed me his, and it had a wire that was about 3 feet long. if i had tried to use it, there would be nothing but feed back because i wouldn’t have enough slack to get away from the speakers. the ones that we brought. i explained this to him, and he handed me the same mic and said, “use this one.” he obviously grew up under power lines, or spent years grazing in vast fields of lead paint chips that grow in the outskirts of san antonio. i was wasting my breath. he wasn’t going to understand the issue. san antonio would have to settle for half of a dirty diamond show. diamond was aware of the situation, and did what he had to do to adjust. he stepped up his game. if they were only going to get half the normal amount of awesome, it was gonna be a strong half. since they would have to be focused only on him, he decided to put on a show. there is now a chair in san antonio, tx that is pregnant, and will one day give birth to little chairs… with awesome hair. that night, by accident, dirty diamond found a new love. the groupies were ok, but fucking chairs was taking it to the next level. and he was ready to make that leap. our ability to adapt is what keeps us alive. in this business, you need to be able to think on your feet or the jackals will tear you to pieces. we did the show, we delivered an new brand of awesome, and we got out alive. in the morning we got up, loaded the rape van, and hit the road. we decided to send a final farewell to texas on the way out. i was going to hang my ass out the window of the rape van and give the road construction crew a big fuck you to pass on to the rest of the state. diamond thought it would be better if i just held the door open and took out a mile or so of their construction cones and then flipped them the bird as we rode off into the sun. next stop, new orleans! (be the first to comment) the colossus of comedy @ hard bean cafe, november 9th by tss | october 23, 2007 - 6:25 pm posted in category: shows, the colossus of comedy jeff lutz, ryan wicks, special guest and me, the colossus of comedy … all at the hard bean cafe. november 9th at 8:30pm. get there early if you want coffee. photo ops available for a price.   the colossus of comedy 8:30pm, hard bean cafe, 317 state street, hamburg pa, 610-562-2140 links: the hard bean cafe : jeff lutz  :  the colossus of comedy (be the first to comment) 5 day film festival, november 3rd & 4th by tss | - 6:12 pm posted in category: shows, the colossus of comedy do not try booking me on these dates as i, along with cute d, will be busy acting in front of the camera. this will be part of the “5 day film festival” based somewhere around philadelphia. filmmaker humbajoe contacted me and asked me to help out. being the ham that i am, i said, “yes.” that is just a little sample of what humbajoe and his crew can do. check him out at the links below. links: humbajoe on youtube : humbajoe on myspace  :  the colossus of comedy  :  five day film festival (be the first to comment) next entries » navigation home serious forum categories games movies paranormal shows sleazy e stupidity the colossus of comedy search blog serious time wastage nes ad&d: pool of radiance burger time contra rygar super contra tecmo bowl tecmo super bowl interactive text adventure the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy slacker x wishbringer zombies misc. games asteroids space invaders simon frozen bubble netrisk role playing games legend of the green dragon dark knight archives november 2007 october 2007 september 2007 august 2007 serious friends channel chaos humbajoe jeff lutz stage select the picto blog serious projects big pizza online serial juggernaut the colossus of comedy meta register login entries rss comments rss valid xhtml valid css serious fix 4.1 is powered by wordpress. concept & design by joni bad behavior has blocked 80 access attempts in the last 7 days.

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